Identifying yor Bear

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 6/10
• Day Score: 8/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Now a word on identyfying yor bear:

I don't mean "Oh look! Dits my bear!" and if eny ov yu say that yor not payin enuff attenshun to yor bear an probly don't diserve to hav wun. No. I mean the ferst essenshol task of bear identyfikayshun:

is it real?

Well the method of identyfikashun of a bear's realness is so good it werks for most not-a-bears too, (you'll waste a lot of yor life if yu try it on a fish, for instance).

This is it: yu ask, HAS IT GOT KNEES? If it has, yu hav a real bear. There are a lot ov kwite convinsing lookin bears around, even in the best bear adopshun centres (or 'shops' as not-a-bears so offen insultingly call dem). Reelly they are there just to mayke up the numbers, or as decoys for we spy-bears.

> many ov deez Bears an Not-A-Bears ar real, but they are awl over-doing the Bed Rule.

(see 29/09/06 "Bear Rules" for mor on dis)

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Next, how to tell if yor bear is a spy:

Obviously, we bears make exerlent spys. I mean, hoo wud suspect a bear in yor howse? Even if it haddont been there wen yu went out, yu still wuddent suspect enything. Yu'd think, ahhhh.... sumwun brort me a bear, how nyce! So there, yu see.

Well if yor bear is a spy he'll hav this wun essenshol feeture: he will alwayz hav one ear forward an one ear bak. (This means he is reddy fer awl evenchewalitys.)

A werd ov WARNING though: do NOT under eny sercumstanses try to get yor bear to tell yu HOO he is a spy FOR. If yu catch him off gard, or do tickle torcher, an he tells yu, HE WILL HAFF TO KILL YU.

Got that? Ok.