WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Identifying yor Bear

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: yes
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 6/10
  • Day Score: 8/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Now a word on identyfying yor bear:

I don't mean "Oh look! Dits my bear!" and if eny ov yu say that yor not payin enuff attenshun to yor bear an probly don't diserve to hav wun. No. I mean the ferst essenshol task of bear identyfikayshun:

is it real?

Well the method of identyfikashun of a bear's realness is so good it werks for most not-a-bears too, (you'll waste a lot of yor life if yu try it on a fish, for instance).

This is it: yu ask, HAS IT GOT KNEES? If it has, yu hav a real bear. There are a lot ov kwite convinsing lookin bears around, even in the best bear adopshun centres (or 'shops' as not-a-bears so offen insultingly call dem). Reelly they are there just to mayke up the numbers, or as decoys for we spy-bears.

> many ov deez Bears an Not-A-Bears ar real, but they are awl over-doing the Bed Rule.

(see 29/09/06 "Bear Rules" for mor on dis)

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Next, how to tell if yor bear is a spy:

Obviously, we bears make exerlent spys. I mean, hoo wud suspect a bear in yor howse? Even if it haddont been there wen yu went out, yu still wuddent suspect enything. Yu'd think, ahhhh.... sumwun brort me a bear, how nyce! So there, yu see.

Well if yor bear is a spy he'll hav this wun essenshol feeture: he will alwayz hav one ear forward an one ear bak. (This means he is reddy fer awl evenchewalitys.)

A werd ov WARNING though: do NOT under eny sercumstanses try to get yor bear to tell yu HOO he is a spy FOR. If yu catch him off gard, or do tickle torcher, an he tells yu, HE WILL HAFF TO KILL YU.

Got that? Ok.

1 comment:

Margaret said...

Ah! Now I can see that I have at least two spies in my house. Thanks, Bob! I shall have to be on my guard.