WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".
Showing posts with label Tesco. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tesco. Show all posts

Monday, June 11, 2012

Riding on a trolley!

HULLO BEARS AN NOT-A-BEARS!!!

I hav often spoken abowt riding the trolley at Tesco but hav never had a foto ov this befor. I thort, this is sutch fun I shud reelly hav a foto ov it! So heer yu ar- Mummy obliged by taking a sneeky pic on her fone.

This is us on the way owt ov Tesco. I am sitting on top ov the shopping bags. As yu can see I am poynting the way to go, ever the helpful navygaytor hahaha. Daddy is pushing the trolley
.


See if yu can get a foto ov yerself in yor fayvrit shop!!! Yu hav to be serruptishus abowt it cos sum ov them hav sekewrity peepol hoo hav nuthing to do so they stop yu tayking fotoes. If yu mannidge to get wun, post it an let me noe!!!! I can put a copy on heer!!!

TTFN!!

Bob T Bear (esq)

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Intermishun

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

I think I mite be gettin throo to the green fella, and today I am drorin up a list ov rools for him to sine an agree to. Arfter that, I shall keep a close eye on him- and the pants. Mor on that layter. Meenwile, Blue haz given me an award!!!! HURRAY! So I thort I wud nip in heer an share that wiv yu!

Heer it is. It's the Sweet Friends Award. It's a bit pink, but haz a nice cayke on it.
Now I've got to List 10 things that make you happy and try to do one today.
Okeydokes. I'll hav a sit an a scratch an see wat I can come up wiv......

  1. Pants. Speshly frolicking of. Yeah, I rekkon I will do this today.
  2. Cayke. Speshly carrot cayke. An Barnarnana cayke. Yum!
  3. Pokkit treats. Like choklit peanuts. Or fudge. The best thing abowt fudge is that yu can leev it in yor pokkit for weeks. In fakt it jus gets better cos it gets crunchy.
  4. Riding the trolley at Tesco's an showtin Yeeeeharrrrr!!!! wen we go parst grumpy peepol.
  5. Playin wiv my push-push car.
  6. Investigayting stuff. Like, spying on the naybers, or settin up my Bob-cam.
  7. I like it wen Gillingham gets a goal at football, cos then we all cheer an do a darnse, an-
  8. I'm an ace darnser an like to get down an strut my funky stuff. Darnsin maykes me happy cos yu carnt be sad an darnse. Unless yor old, like Daddy. Most daddys ar sad darnsers.
  9. Sharin tea wiv Daddy. He duzzent tayke shoogar eny mor, but he puts it in on wun side an I drink from that side an he drinks from the uther.
  10. Maykin snowbears.
OK that's it. Now I'm ment to parss the award on to 10 peepol hoo mayke me smile. Well, evrywun hoo reeds my blog maykes me smile. I smile at the thort ov yu taykin time owt to catch up wiv wat I'm up to. See I'm smilin rite now. So I am parssin the award on to all ov yu. Pleez tayke it an put it on yor blog. Eevn if yu havent got time to do the list of 10 things, tayke a pic ov the award from me enyway. Ah go on. It's a pikcher ov a cayke, arfter all, an that will mayke yu smile wenever yu look at it :@}

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Oakey

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: No
  • Simpsons:yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 8 but it shud hav bin a 10 but Mummy waz bein meen /10
  • Overall Score: 7.265/10
HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

Larst yeer I fownd a Haycorn an plarntid it in a pot in my garden. I naymed him Oakey an gayve him sum jolly gud Bearayshus fertilizer an wisht him well.

Now he is a tiny oak tree. Heer he is-
As yu can see, he needs a bigger pot becos his toes ar startin to show throo the bottom ov this wun:
So it is time to moov him. Heer is the pot I bort for him. It's mutch bigger an mutch blooer, too. It's new an nice an shiney.
Heer is sum speshol re-pottin stuff that we bort from Tesco. (It waz nice an paddid to sit on in the trolley an I recommend it to fello trolley-riders.)
Arfter pottin yu hav to press down fermly wich I did wiv me welly-boots-Ta-daah!
I'll giv him a few days to settol into his new home, then I'll drop off a bit ov Bear fertilizer for him. Teehee!
Arfter warterin I put him heer, next to sum uther pots, inkloodin Mummy's camomile, wich she sez is luvly an Daddy sez smells like cats' pee. Hehehe!
We don't kno wat this enormuss plarnt is. It just moovd in wun day. Daddy sez it's a weed an Mummy sez it's a freebie an she wants to leev it an see wat it duzz. I think it's abowt to hav lots ov flowers.
That's it for me gardnin dewtees for now. Sorry I dident post erlier but we hav had thunder forecarst agen so me an the uther Bears hav been in the pant dror kwite a lot the larst few days.

Weev also bin on hi alert as Dilly keeps moovin her carsol wich is maykin a cownter-attak difficult to organize but watch this space...

Bye fer now!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pantayshus advice.

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no: em, hope theyer doin a bit ov trayning
  • Simpsons: yes: Lisa waz eevn mor luvly than yewzal!
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: Grayum sed he got me an he dident. I sor him comin. I did. So thare. He dident get 10/10. He did not. It waz NOT a serprize at all. I knew he waz thare. So thare. So. Gayme serspendid dew to serten silly persons not gettin the rool, naymely, that yu hav to mayke sumwun jump. If they wer just abowt to jump enyway it duzzent cownt.
  • Day Score: 7ish/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Hehehe!! Bumblevee haz sent me sum grayte pant fotoes! Looks like the Bears at her howse hav grayte fun! Hehehe!!! Carnt wayte for Munday's gallery. Don't ferget to send yor pik in!!!! Heer's my emayle agen.

Meenwile, heer is a pantayshus funny that all yu workers owt thare mite like to mayke a note ov. It mite come in handy in the fewtcher if yu ever want an extra day off:

Akchewlly, underpants-too-looseness is kwite a dayngeruss condishun. Did I ever tell yu wat happend to Daddy in the Tesco carpark wun day????

-The elastik on his underpants was reelly loose, an just as we got owt ov the car it finerly gayve up the goste an releest the sed pants on a slow but shor deesent. BUT! Daddy, ov corse, waz warin trowzers. So! The pants crept downwards as far as they cud, then they met up wiv the crotch area. Now, yu'd think that that's ware they wud stay, wuddent yu? But no! They wer enjoyin their littol advencher so mutch, they deesided to leev just their gussety bit thare, an let the wings carry on down eech leg. Evenchewly they got up sutch a momentum that Daddy's trowzers wer bein tugged downward as well.

I cannot begin to describe wat this tern ov events did to Daddy's walk. Think Charlie Chaplin wiv hemmeroydes, warin flippers an walkin throo thick snow.

But still, Daddy faythfully continewd wiv our trip rownd the shop. He brayvely held on to the shopping trolley an did the best he cud. All went reesonbly well, all things -an pants- considerd, till he told Mummy abowt wat waz happenin. At that poynt we had to call it a nite an come bak home, coz she cuddent stop giggling.

Kwestchun: Hav yor underpants ever let yu down??? If so I'd lov to heer abowt it. All in the nayme ov syentiffik reeserch, yu understand!!! Wa-hey!

Bye fer now!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Oh goody! I've got the compewter at larst!!!

Recent scores:
  • Gills: Wow! Yes! We playd on Saterday AN Tchewsday and won both times! Wa-heyy!!!
  • Simpsons: yes, an Family Guy too, wich waz very rood! Hehehe!
  • Tesco: Oh boy! Oh boy!
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 20- me an Sam both went fer Chuck at the sayme time, an reelly got im! It waz a pincer attak!!! That meens dubbol top scor. /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

It's still bizzy rownd heer- Daddy is at werk an Mummy still haz the narsty bug. She still haz self-ishooin privillidges over the tishoos (utherwize I'd get nuthin else dun, to be onnist.)

The uther day, me an Mummy had plannd to wolk to Tesco's an do sum shoppin, then get a cab bak home. I waz lookin forwerd to it. But then it pord wiv rayne! Poo! But then Mummy sed, let's order it all on the compewter, Bob.

WAT THE???

WOW!!!

I had fergotten they did that.

I had a grayte time puttin in the shoppin. They hav cewt littol pikchers ov evrything. I enjoyd a vertewal stroll down the choklits an biccies an caykes. I did a darnse over the keys as I put in the order to mayke up for the fakt that I wassent gettin a ride in a trolley. Then Mummy took over an payd for it all.... she sed the delivery charge waz less than our cab fare wud hav been so that waz ok.

They cuddent bring it all till 9pm an it waz exsytin waytin for it; my bum neerly berst from the exsytment!!!!

Heer yu can see the Tesco van owtside. I wantid to show the man my Tesco lorry but he dident stay long, so I showd it to him from the windo:I think he waz well imprest.

I hope it raynes agen nex time we need to go. I'd like to arsk him in fer tea nex time.

Rite. Now I reelly hav to get sum Ireland fotoes organized for yu. An it waz Granny's berfday larst weekend so there's cayke fotoes, too, to do. I am sutch a bizzy Bear!!!!

We also want to get owt sumtime an tayke Chuck a few mor playces before he goze home, as he is gettin a bit home-sik for his Mawmaw. He wants to buy mor sooveneers to tayke bak wiv him, ferst!!!!

Bye fer now!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Synchronized Sitting update

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy praktissin synchronized sittin /10
  • Day Score:7.68136/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Good to hear so menny ov yu ar plannin to join in the Synchronized Sittin Event tomorro! I'm goin to extend the dedline to midday Saturday UK time, so that peeps in the USA get the whole ov Friday to joine in. They ar abowt 8 hours behind us in sum parts, wich is a bit like Time Travol but wiv better weather.

Eny speesheez can tayke part- or mix ov speesheez if yu liv in a very liberal cownty. Ms Creek wud like to yewz her salt an pepper pots. Ahem. Ms Creek, this wud be good for praktiss but I'm not shor how they wud do in the final: can they sit?

As for the prize, well I'm keepin that seekrit but it will mayke yu smile!

*** *** ***

Thare's a porze in the gales an raine at the mo so Mummy an me ar goin to walk up to Tesco's. We need to get sum snaks for our trip to Buxton next week. Mummy is low-carbin cas she sez it helps her jeens get bigger. I think it's so unfair that this meens I carnt eet cayke iver, tho. Thare's nowt rong wiv the size ov MY butt. An if thare ever is, I just stand on me hed an reshuffol me beads till me arms get thikker. I wonder if she haz tryd that?

So, off to sneek sum biskits in the trolley. Arfter all, Daddy will need sum wen he gets home from Ireland tomorro nite!

Bye fer now!


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Daddy's tern

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 HA!/10
  • Day Score: 7.35419872656000001/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well well well. I just had a messidge from Blogger sayin that I can now hav my blog translaytid into Hebrew, Arabic an Persian. Any taykers?

On the tummy-bug frunt, we hav mayde progress. Ov a sort. That is, Daddy has now got it. On the plus side this meens his pooes hav progresst at a farst rayte ov knots to number 6 on the chart, so I waz finally abol to find owt wat waz ment by "fluffy edges". Or, I waz abol to enkwire abowt it. I don't meen "find owt" litrolly, as in hav a look. Good Lord no. Well, not unless it waz in a Tupperware contayner that had a dam good seel on it. I meen, it is intrestin.

Enyway. I can report that "fluffy" is in fakt a jolly good discripshun, an also that it duz NOT tickol on the way owt.

Daddy is up to 5 on the kwantity scayle ov things today, an that's dispite the Imodium capsules. I did arsk if he cood lay off those, in the intrest ov reeserch, but he sed that he waz fine wiv singol figures an thankt me very much.

Mummy, on the other paw, is feelin a lot better but still tyerd. But we all did a layte nite shoppin trip to perk her up (a good swing in the trolley, speshly throo the pant aisle, always werks for me!)

-Yu remember Daddy is a teecher? Well this term he is teechin 7 yeer olds, an tomorro he is teechin them how to mayke choklit fridge cayke. So we had to go an buy LODES ov yummy BROWN choklit, wich he will hav to mayke all MELTY an MOLTEN an RUNNY in frunt ov the clarss, an then mix it wiv RAISINS so that it is a brown goo full ov lumpy bits an biskits an stuff, an soft, gooey butter. Imagin havin to do that wen yor tummy is rumblin an yor bottom is tryin to skweez in a berp. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!

(If he brings sum home, I'm not shor I shall eet eny.....)

Bye fer now!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Wiv aw god cowds

This week's scores:

  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yez
  • Tesco: yez, fer medsin
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: serspendid dew to too much snot /10
  • Week Score: uff /10
HEBO BOT-A-BEARZ!

Today iz my blog'z annibersry- Uh startib dis blog wun yeer ago tobay. I waz goin to hav a big party but um not well enuff. Sssffff. I will hab to hab der party anuver time.

Evrywun heer haz god der cowd. Sff. Daddy had it ferst, but hiz iz neerly gon now. Mummy got it werse than him. I dident understand this. If it's the sayme cowd, wy duzzent she hav it the sayme way? He sed it mewtates. Hmm. I thort mewtayshun waz wen a boy cat goze to the vet an comes bak a gerl. But parrently not!

Erly in the week we herd that Marcelle Marceau had died, so we had a minit's noyze for him:

But sinse then weev awl been jus lyin abowt feelin pawly, reelly.

Bug hevvy cowds call fer big hevvy jumpers:
Mummy haz assma an the cowd haz mayde it werse so we had a charnse to go to Tesco, to the farmassy:

(I don't like the way it sez 'unwantid' nex to me in this pikcher!!!)

Dilly iz immewn to green stuff so she is wantin to look arfter givin owt the pills. I'm a bit worreed abowt this, given her method ov cowntin.

I'm off to mayke mor tea now. Sssff.

Don't ferget to ware bloo tomorro fer the Gills!

Bye fer now! Ssffff.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Wat's she up to now?


Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no, restin, fer tomorro
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5 (better)/10
  • Day Score: 7.6/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Cuddent get neer the compewter today. Dilly haz a new hat an wontid to put pikchers ov it on her blog, so sheez been hoggin all the teknology rownd heer!

In the end, wat wiv her trying to outstare the mycrosoft-helper-cat* an Daddy wotchin the cyclin on telly, me an Mummy went for a walk. An wud yu kno it, we endid up at Tesco.

Ha! I waz obliyged to remind her that they sell choklit peanuts, like MY choklit peanuts, like wat she ate. All of. Agen. So I nipt off to the choccy iyle wile she lookt at Compewter magazeens.

She wontid wun wiv a free disk on, wiv sum video programmin stuff. This is cos I had such a hard time yestaday on the post-produkshun part ov my Frolic Vid. Windoze Moovey Mayker seems to be aktin like a 90 yeer old man wiv no legs in a marafon. Slowly, dozey, an keeps collapsin. Hey ho. The trubbols ov an internashol film Direktor, eh?

She got wun, but we don't kno if it maykes things that can go on blogs. She forgot to chek that bit. She waz too bizzy tryin to look tall, intellygent an glameruss, in among the long line of spekky blokes hoo hibernayte rownd the tekky magazeens. Even at 5ft 2inchis, yu wuddent hav thort it wud be too hard.

We cayme home wiv the magazeen, choklit peanuts, pork chops, watercress, an o-ber-jean, lavender flayver Dettol an 5 washin-up brushis**. I'm not shor wat that bodes fer the weekend, but I hope yu all remember to WEAR BLOO TOMMORRO fer the Don't Mok The Bear Club. Remember, pants ar best, but a bloo enything will do!

WA-HEYY!

Bye fer now!

* she can do it, too. Dilly is very good at out-staring. She can out-stare cats, goldfish, an statews.

**her excewss waz that they wer down to 16p. I still don't see the poynt in hordin theez. It's not like yu'll ever get to a poynt ware yu never need to buy another wun. Exsept if yu wer Daddy, cos he thinks washin-up brushes, cloths an spunges, all liv forever, or until Granny comes rownd.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Weekend Report

Weekend's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: yes, littol wun
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy /10
  • Overall Score:dident wear overalls /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

It waz a very full weekend. I waz goin to say BIZZY, but it wasent, not always, not bizzy, but lots happend, so it was FULL. Kno wat I meen?

On Saterday we went to a big Craft Fair in a town called Clare, wich I thort waz jus a gerl's nayme. Bein in Suffolk, it was very pink. So the nayme sutid it. This waz the mayne bilding:

see wat I mean? I thort, this is goin to be too pink fer Bears... but in among lots ov stalls sellin stuff I fownd a cuppol ov Bear Adopshun corners. This lot wer reelly frendly, an Mum tuk this foto ov us all havin grayte chattin:
theez wer owtsyde: (See the littol Bear-size chairs? Daddy bort me wun! )

Then I met sum orspishus Bears:

Wylst I trakt down all the Bears in the visinity, Dilly lookt owt fer Dragons (I think she fownd a cuppol, I'll hav to chek on her blog layter) an my parronts ate lots ov sampols from stalls sellin jam, pikkol, musterd an saurces, all on crakers, wich sayved munny on lunch. Then we had a rest in the beer tent. Heer's me ther, in my new rockin chair:

then I herd a song I like, so I shook my bootty fer a littol wile:

So Saterday waz fun!

But then Sunday.... and THUNDER! an an an... my emergensy hug pants got left behind at Granny's larst week!!!!! AND the Windowsill Bear Familee stayed ther too (AN they're taykin libertees- I spoke to Granny on the fone an they're not even on the windowsill. She sez they're on a shelf but as I sed to her, a shelf is not a windowsill, not even if a windowsill is a shelf.)

AND THEN they sed on the news that lots of TESCOs had to close becos ther waz a bomb scare or sumthin. An Dilly cheerd wen they sed it. An they sed on the telly that they don't kno any mor detayles. An she larft. An I want to ring crime-watch an tell them that Dilly cheerd, an an she boos wen we drive parst Tesco lorrys an cheers fer the ASDA wuns (cos they're green) so I HAV got reeson to suspect her and I'm NOT bein silly so THER.

So Sunday got a bit stressful, really..... good job I've got a rockin chair now.

Bye fer now!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Investigaytin The Bear

Phaseoutgirl Interviews Bob

Do yu kno, Mummy rote bak to PhaseOutGirl an sed that her kwestchons mite be a bit hard fer a yung Bear to arnser. Wat a cheek!!!!! She had them "on hold" in MS Werd, but I sneakt in an got 'em. Ha! I'll show her! Heer goze....


1. Your blog gives the impression that you are an animal lover. Why did you choose the persona of a small bear and not another animal? Any particular significance?

Oh yes, I am indeed an animol luver. I think weer grayte. Far less complicaytid than hewmans. An nicer too, most ov us. Not shor abowt croco-dragons. But most ov us ar.

An yes, havin the personality of a Bear has very particular significants, as I am a Bear. An a particular Bear, at that.

2. I also noticed that you call yourself "agony uncle" and write in "bear language". Can you explain the agony uncle bit, and how it is to write in a different language. Aren't you worried that people won't understand what they are reading?

Ah well, wen I startid bloggin I arnserd letters from Yunger Bears hoo needid advice but dident hav an Older Bear to luk up to. Yu can see sum ov these on my list of "Informativ Exampols-Ov-Bob Posts" on the rite hand side of my blog.

Bears (an Not-A-Bears) ar still always welcom to rite in wiv their problems for me to help solve.


I'm akchewally tri-ligual cos as well as Bear English an Brit-English, I do Spanish too, cos I yewst to liv in Ekwadoor wiv my Daddy. I prefer to blog in my ferst languidge to mayke it easier fer other Bears to reed. Ther arnt menny Blogs owt ther in our languidge, yu kno.

A few peepol hav sed that they carnt reed it. Sumtimes I get narsty messidges sayin I carnt spell. So I rite bak an say, "Well yu carnt reed Bear English, but I don't get narsty abowt it!"


3. Stepping out of the bear character, what does Bob really do and what is he most interested in?

I'm a Bear ov cheeky character, I admit, but ther is a seriuss side to me. I'm a trayned Secrit Agent an cud "phwah!" yu wiv a cunnin karate chop.

Tayken at my Graduayshun from Spy Collidge. On the left is my cuzzin, Henri. We keep in tutch. In fact, he's stayin wiv us at the moment. That's me, on the rite. Our "FIFA" badges stand fer "Federayshun of Internashnol Furry Agents".


As fer my intrests, well, pants, oviussly, then The Simpsons, going shopping, collektin shiney pennys, monitorin rools, navigaytin, marigolding, and sport. I like footboll an I go to watch it wiv Daddy. An Bear sports, like Synchronized Sitting. I also enjoy modern art an will be lornchin a gallery soon.


4. You are given a million pounds to spend on anything, except for yourself and your immediate family. What would you do and why?

WOW thanks!

I wud giv it all to animol charitys, like WSPA, hoo do lots of grayte things to rescew Bears in distress. An The Great Bear Foundayshun too. Ther ar links to them, an other animol charitys on my blog.
Why? Well, sum hewmans hert animols. I don't like that. It also maykes my Mummy cry. I don't like that either. Sumtimes the animols ar hert so much that ther arnt menny ov them left in the wild. I think that nice hewmans shud help us an mayke up fer wat the narsty wuns do. An if they don't, I will. That's wy I'd yews the munny to help.


5. A stranger knocks at your door and tells you that he is a long lost relative, and found your name in letters of his grandparents. He needs shelter since he has had a string of bad luck, is asking for help. He is travelling with his wife and a sick three year old son in their car, and they look really desperate. To top it all, his resemblance to one of your siblings is uncanny. How would you deal with this situation?

Ferst I'd invite them in an get them cups of tea an lots of toast an hunny. Then I'd go an get my Emergensy Hug Pants, cos I mite be a bit scared, akchewally.

I'd arsk Daddy to drive the littol boy up the rode to the hopsikol to mayke him betta. (I wuddent go wiv them, in cayse the boy was sik on me. That stuff mite stik to my fer.) An if the man did look enything like MY sister, I think he wud want to see the docter, too.

Dilly. My sister, & ownly siblin. Yu seriuss?

Then I'd go an get Mummy, an check her Famly Tree. She resercht her Famly Tree larst year an got bak to 1680. I was very prowd cos she fownd out that sum ov her ansesstors wer -wait fer it!- BREECHES MAKERS!!!! WA-HEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I digress......

Wunce the boy was bein lookt arfter, we'd show the visitors the Family Tree an ask wher they think they fit in. (Bein a spy, they mite not be tellin the trooth, they mite jus be on to me.) If they had nowher to go, we'd let them stay the nite an then call my Arnty an Unkols abowt it. Maybe we cud all meet up at the weekend fer a famly picnic, an get to the bottom ov it all.

But I'd hav to arsk my Daddy, reelly.


Thank cu fer the interview, Cecilia!



IF ENY OV YU WUD LYKE ME TO INTERVEW YU, PLEEZE SAY SO ARFTER THIS POST! Ah, go on!

Now, I've got to put this bit at the end. It issent in Bear English, this bit, so eny Bears out ther, I hope yu hav a translaytor handy if yu need wun...


Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Monday, June 04, 2007

The Joy of Road Tunnels, (or: Under-River Tescossity) & Putting Mr Scooter's Belly on Strike.

Weekend's scores:
  • Gills: hibernaytin
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: yes, fer petrol an a payper
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy fer nose hugs/10
  • Overall Score: 7.983/10
HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!


I don't think I've ever explayned how we get to Granny's howse.

We have to drive from Colchester to the Isle Of Sheppey. It takes neerly 2 hours an there ar a few rivers in between, the biggest bein the Thames, wich is faymuss fer goin throo playsis like London. Enyway, no matter how faymuss a river thinks it is, it is still too wet fer a car, espeshally wun that regularly carrys persons of a Bear type, hoo don't like warter.

Knowin this, they bilt a big bridge over the river, plus a long tunnel under it, so I don't need to get my paws wet. Dilly likes the bridge best, as she can hav a wee out the window if she fergot to go befor we left. I prefer the tunnel.

Sumtimes I wayve at the other cars wen we go throo, speshally if they hav Bears navigytin up frunt on the dashboard. But imagin my joy wen we go throo alongside a Tesco lorry! Wow!


Mummy took this photo the larst time it happend:

Wa-Heyyyy! Wat a rush!

During this larst weekend at granny's, Mr Scooter finally became unable to get throo the catflap (even while grabbing an cloring the doormat). Mummy tryd to fit a bigger catflap but cuddent get the old wun off the door. The man hoo mayde the door yewsd gloo. So Mr Scooter is now on a Seerious Diet. This is diffrent from preevious diets, wher he jus eets the same but evrywun worrys an sez heez gettin fat. This time it's fer reel. Ownly cat biskits an the smoll bit of chikn needid to hide his pills in.

Good luck, mate.

Bye fer now!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Pantless At Tesco!

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: Hibernayting
  • Simpsons: no; at Tesco
  • Tesco: oh, YES!
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
  • Day Score: 8.37/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Weer off to Granny's fer the weekend, but I jus HAD to pop in an tell yu wat happened larst nite.

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

Me an Mummy walked to Tesco an got the shopping. Wen we reeched the till to pay we rang Daddy to arsk him to come an get us cos it was too hevy to carry. He took a while to arrive but wen he did, he sneakt up to me (I ride in the trolley) an whispered in my ear:

"BOB! You'll never gess! The elastic on me' pants has jus gone!"

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

Mummy, being nosey, demarnded to know why The Bear had just creased up an dived in among the packs of sultanas she'd bort fer the berds, shaking. He must hav told her, cos I herd her say,

"OH FER GOODNESS' SAKE!"

An we shuffled off to the carpark. Daddy had a VERY Visible Panty Line. About half way between his hips an his knees. The crotch of his trousers was showing signs of strain an we jus hoped the button an flies wud hold out.

He explained to me that "It happened as I got out of the car. I wassent worreed at ferst cos I thort there'd be enuff skin frikshun to keep them on me buttocks."

But alas, no. Down they fled, leaving Daddy skuttling through Tescos looking fer us, poised like a drunk hoo'd pooed his pants.

Well, I nearly burst my bum, I larfed so much. I cuddent navigate home cos I cuddent sit upright. So we drove blind.

Wen we got home he ran upstairs in slow-motion an got changed. He brort the pants downstairs, they wer the faithful old wuns that we cuddent quite remember the colour of- were they brown or wer they maroon? Alas, their intended colour was long ago lost in the mists of time. Mummy opened the bin, I saluted, an he dropt them in.

Weird Old Marroony Pants, R.I.P.

Bye fer now!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Betrayed

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
  • Day Score: minus 3 /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Yu know, there ar a lot of diffrences between Hewmans an Bears.

Sum of the things we hav which they don't are obvious. Like fer exampol fur, cuteness, and an innate ability to darnce without looking like yor trying to get a bug out of yor shoe.

But then there are the things that ar mor suttel. Like, LOYALTY for instance.

Hav a look at this. This is a LOYALTY card. As yu can see, this wun is in my nayme. Daddy has wun too.-

I hav a Tesco LOYALTY card becos I do LOYAL, and becos I do LOYAL, I do my shopping at Tesco. Bears do loyal, yu see. See a theme forming here?

Well, yestaday, arfter a jolly nice arftanoon looking at the baby birds on the pond in the park an throwing bits of Tesco bread at their parents, we wer in mid-drive bak home wiv me navigayting on the dashboard, an yu know wat Mummy said?

"Let's go to ASDA!"

What the????????????????????

Despite my protests they terned the car in the ASDA direkshun. I retreated to the bak of the car. No way was I goin to hav a paw in direktin them to THERE.

Off they went, the two of them AND Dilly, into the scum festerin shop that even has green letterin in its nayme, leaving me to guard the car.

An hour.

ONE HOUR, folks. AND they made me miss The Simpsons during it.

Daddy sed that he was ownly followin instrukshons but I told him, that dident werk at Nuremberg an it aint gonna werk wiv ME.

On the drive back, Mummy told me about how an ASDA person was rood an unhelpful LIKE I WAS MEANT TO CARE.
She apologised for going in there an tryd to get round me by saying,

"Well, Bob, NOW I will just appreshyate Tesco more!"

Ah well, better is she hoo appreshyates wat LOYAL means wivout havin ferst to compare wat a scum festering shop is like, is all I can say.

Wen we got home I had a long talk wiv Grayum. He cheered me up a bit. He's a wise old Bear. Bit skinny though, so not really good on the Bear Hug front. So I wondered off to find another Bear to hug...

little bear lost

WANTED: hugs fer small trormatized Bear



....an guess wat I found Dilly doing?????? BUILDING A BLOG.

Folks, I kid yu not. There is now wun mor green presence on the web.

An there was me thinking my day cuddent get eny werse......

Please send hugs.