WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Friday, October 06, 2006

KOALAS

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I need to tell yu about the most faymuss bear imposter of all- the KOALA. I could hav sed "bear impersonater" but be honest- wot part of this yung wipper-snapper looks like a bear? Ther koala not-a-bear is a MAR-SOUP-E-ALL an like all mar-soup-e-alls he is very probably a shop-lifter. This is wy they hav bilt in pokkets. Yu thort dis was to carry their babies? Well yes, but that is how they do the shop-lifting. Hoo hassent seen a baby in the trolley in front ov dem in the kew at the supermarket grab sumthing off the shelf as dey go throo? Aha! See? It is the same for mar-soup-e-als.

I hav eevn herd sum peepol call them "Koala Bears". NO! No no no! They're not! They are Koala-not-a-bears. They are sneeky littol things wiv beaks an an an dit is very insulting to us proper bears to call them bears.

This brings me to the International Bear Anthem, wich I menshoned the other day wen I tolkt about Bear Sports. This is how it goes:


GROWL says der polar bear
GROWL says der brown
GROWL says der grizzly bear

all with a frown
[all jump up an showt der next bit]
KOALAS ARE NOT-A-BEARS!

It has been a bit contravershol in resent yeers. Spectacled bears, pandas an black bears all sed they felt un-represented. It was put foreward that they cud go in a second verse but they dident go fer this, as no-one ever sings second verses. So in the end we added the bit about koalas so now we bears can all be united- in our annoyance at theez silly littol
bear-wannabees.

I hope yu will never agen call koalas "bears" or at leest, if yu must persist in yor error, keep it out of yor bear's earshot. The larst thing yu want is
a bear-wiv-a-sor-hed.

Bye fer now!

16 comments:

Kevin Koala said...

Bob,
I am verry upset that you think that me calling myself a bear is an insult to you. There are lots of things about bears that aren't nice but I don't go on international blogs and tell everyone about them. I am not a thief and neither are the rest of my family! But you bears are famous for stealing honey!

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

We don't steal hunny! Der beez mayk it fer us!!! An an an yu may not be a theef but yor not a bear iver! So dere! Ner! Ov corse dits an insult if yu call yorself a bear! Yu silly beaked-nose tree hugger yu! Awl yu do all day is sleep an pose fer photo's wiv torrists! Dat duzzent mayk yu a star, yu know, and it duzzent mayk yu a bear!

Bob T Bear (es)

Anonymous said...

Im very confused here Bob, why do they call Koala bears, bears if they are not bears. Who made the mistake in the first place. Would that be Alan Wicker or David Bellamy or Richard Attenborough.............. all not bears. You sound a little upset today.................would a little honey soothe you

(Not a bear) From Scotland

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

I think it was probbly Rolf Harris. He even trys to LOOK like a bleedin' koala.

UNA (United Animal Nations) said...

I don't know what is it that caused you to be so upset with Koalas' being called "bears"-- I sure hope you are just being witty about it!

I think koalas were called "bears" because once upon a time, noone really thought they belonged to another mammal species, Bob. You don't need to agree with the mistake, but I feel you shouldn't be calling names too. You are a nice bear. Be nice Bob! You have frds frm all over the world!

UNA Representative
(United Animal Nations)

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

So if yu don't no wat sumthing is yu call it a bear? Oh well dats allright den.

We've got sum interesting beetles in our garden. Don't no wat type dey are. I know! Let's call dem Bear Beetles!

See? Stoopit idea issent it?

And don't tell me wat not to write in my own dairy! Or or or I'll tell my daddy on yu.

Margaret said...

Now, now Bob, calm down. I think that the majority of us know that koalas aren't really bears. Maybe we made the mistake because they are always up a tree and therefore you don't get a good view of them. And remember that it is really quite flattering for them to WANT to be a bear, don't you think?

UNA (United Animal Nations) said...

You might NEVER know, Bob. Someone MIGHT JUST name those beetles in your garden BEAR BEETLES, & maybe we'd all have more interesting insults to read from you, you rude little bear?

UNA Representative
(United Animal Nations)
NOT-a-bear

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

PhtttPhhhtttttFtttttphphphphttttshshshshshshphphPPPPP...P

I hav jus fartid in der general direkshon ov eveywun how thinks koalas ar bears. (An beetles).

So dere.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!!!!!!! BOB!!!!!!!! I never knew Bears farted......... Ive been blaming my poor little dog for the smell all this time and she always looks so innocent.......could it be Wookey...........Maybe boys do smell after all ?????????????

Shocked Audrey (not a bear or a boy or one who farts cause us girls dont do things like that!!!!!!!!!!!!)

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

heheheheheheeeeeeehehehe.......hoo me? hehehe....pffttspffffttt..hehee

Pwor!

I wud be de larst Bear to ever accewse another Bear ov such a thing. Unless I was getting der blame, ov course. So whether it was Wookey, hoo can tell. Hehehee... dogs are handy that way though. Wish mummy wud get wun.

How bout a photo of Wookey? Tell him I sed "waheyy!".

Bob

Anonymous said...

YES BOB PHOWRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ Who said boys dont smell.............poooooooeeeeeeeeeeeh

Audrey(not a bear holding her nose)

Anonymous said...

I think perhaps mummy should ration your consumption of chocolate peanuts..............perhaps causing you trouble in certain areas...........

Concerned

Audrey( not a bear )

Anonymous said...

Been thinking really long and hard on the Koala, beetle issue Bob........ Given that beetles are bugs is that what they mean by bug bear, in which case beetles could theoretically claim bear status?

Love your blog site Bob your a charmin sorry charming bear who really get me thinking about really important things that matter in bear world, and just love it when you growl

Many thanks

Audrey (not a bear)

mur said...

Don't forget that the claim to fame for koala's is peeing from a great height, peeing on the ground and peeing all over your clothes when you cuddle them.
(Oh, and the males snort like pigs during mating season, bit like men really)

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HAHAhahahahahahahahahaha.......

INCONTINENT Not-A-Bears!

HAHAHAHAHA

Bob