WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Danger! Ireland ahead....

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
  • Day Score: 7/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I want to tell yu about why I don't like going to Ireland anymore, even wen Daddy goes there, to see his familee.

1) Run Over

On my ferst visit to Ireland we went to visit my Unkol Brian's shop on a hill called Ennistynen. Grand-dad Poppa cuddent park so we just jumpt out the car and went into the shop. Well, when I say WE went into the shop, I mean everybody ELSE went into the shop, I just lay in the road being confewsed as Daddy had just dropped me.

I got up an ran about looking for the shop I was meant to go in, calling for my childline-nominee parrents, and then it went all dark. Wen I cayme to, I was lying in a puddle of white beads. Then I realised that they were coming out of my bum. Well, I had no idea that my bum beads were white an so I faynted. It was sum time layter wen Grand-dad Poppa's car cayme bak up the hill and Daddy jumpt out and cayme and got me. Mummy was very upset wiv him, and they spent a whole day in Limerick looking for beads to put back in my bum.

Until they found sum, I couldn't be operaytid on. SO insted I had to wear safety pins in my arse which, as well as being just a tad undignified fer a person of noble Bearidge, itched like a camel's armpit.

2) Kidnapped

Yes, afrayde so. On my second visit, a posse of Daddy's nephews jumpt on me at Granny Ireland's house while my parrents were distractid, again being less than vigilant in their Bear-protekshon dewties. Led by a small wun hoo goes by the nayme of "Owen" and the letters ov "Eoghan", I was grabbed, wrestled to the floor ov the Dining room and held prisoner while the yung hoodlams had this note delivered to Mummy:

Then Daddy traced the writing to Eoghan and his evil co-conspirator Patrick, and rather than pay the extortionate ransom of one cent (am I the only wun that finds that offensiv?) tickled them to the carpet until wun ov them squealed where he'd hidden me.

This photo is ov Eoghan, the organizer ov the crime. I hav had to black out his eyes fer legol reasons, as I havent got round to sueing him yet.

Anyway, it always amuses me, every year, wen Daddy books to go to Ireland and terns an asks me, "Are you coming wiv me, Bob?"

HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAA

I can only think he has me inshored for a lot, an fer wunce I don't mean choklit peanuts.

Huh!

Bye fer now!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!BOB!!!!!!!!!!Near fatal accidents and kidnapping what adventures you have... I recall reading about your accident in Ireland in a previous post and can only repeat its just as well Daddy is a teacher and not a goalie for Gillingham football club they'd be in real trouble then wouldnt they........Do you still have the scars you poor love.....As for the ransom what an insult~ think they took you just cause they loved you really the money was not important at all.......

Think you are so brave Bob

Audrey (not a bear)

mousie said...

oh my goodness me...my sweetheart, i'm so sorry...why didn't you tell me before you had such bad experience in your life...next time you have holidays come to Plumpiemousie...you'll be safe, and I could take care of you...your blue hat is very beautiful, I made one for myself...i know it's a bit girlie...but i couldn't resist...i wanted to be beautiful just for you
so i dressed up a bit...
I must go to bed...but it's so very extremely difficult to leave you...
take care
Mousie

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

YES I DO STILL HAVE THE SCARS!!! snfff....sssf.snnf...snfff...sssfff...snnfff....
speshally on my bum.
Mummy did a good job (I didn't feel enything. I was aneesatized wiv sum beer) but as I get older and more hugged, my fur gets thinner on my sitting/leaning/squashing parts and so you can sort of see the stitches now.

My badge AND my nose have scratches on dem too snff sssnnnnfff ssnnnnffff.....

War wounds....

I'm a brayve bear.

Bob

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

......and Audrey, Gills are already in trouble!

Stardust said...

Bob... snfff, that waz klose... I coold have missed yu! How coold have daddy dropped yu? He really shouldn't...snfff...

HUGS... I'm so glad dat yu're now frolicking heer fer our good. Yu're a brave Bear Bob, a pat on yur arse. Deep nose hugs...