A Mystery Solved

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 8/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Yu know, there are meny mysterys in this life. Fer exampol, how big is space? Ar there Bears on other planets? Hoo built the pyramids? (I blame the Egyptians fer that larst wun.) An wun that has always bugged me: when we put down concrete, do worms carry on living underneath it? An if so, do they mind not being abol to come upstairs wen it rains?

Well my frends, I am pleased to be abol to bring to yu today, the solution to just as great a mystery as these, namely: why do Bishops wear pointy hats?

Aha! It was while considering the well documented adventures of wun Mr Paddington Bear (esq) of Peru that I realised the answer to this fiendish question. Yu see, diffrent peopol wear hats fer diffrent reasons. Protection, maybe, like the soldier or fireman or village idiot. Now, Paddington always wor a very big hat. This was becos he hid his snacks underneath it. Marmalade sandwiches wer his favrit, as yu may recall.

above right: Mr P. Bear (esq) of Peru

So now let us consider the Bishop's hat: pointy.

What snack do you know that is pointy? Aha yes! The TOBLERONE.

So there yu hav it. Bishops' hats are pointy because it's where they hide their Toblerones. And hoo can blame them. Those sessions in the big Cathedrals can go on for hours.

The practice of hiding them under their hats arose from two things: (1) sum peopol don't like to think of others eating choklit in Lent if they're not allowed eny themselves, and this tends to include old laydies that go to church on weekdays. I've seen them. And believe me, they're very frightening. And I'm a ferroshus bear! So imagine how scary they are if yor a man in a long dress. Brrr! And (2) Bishops tend to be rarther old. This means that a lot of them are forgetful. Bishops being Holy, they don't want to lead others into temptayshun. So they hide their own Toblerone under their hat so's not to tempt the old sleepy wun on the end hoo forgot his agen.

left: a gaggle of Bishops arguing over hoo has brort the choklit. (The one on the left looks a bit gillty.) Note their pointy hats.

above: the Toblerone: pointy choklit: coincidence????

And so there you hav it! Do let me know if there are eny mysterys bugging yu. I will put my nose to the case and see if I can solve it for yu.

Bye fer now!