WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Wat Did The Werms Do?

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no - but weer playin today, so bloo undeez on, peepol!
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no (do yu kno, they'v eech bin wivowt me this week! It's troo! That's at leest 2 mist opperchewnitys fer me to ride in the shoppin trolly. I sumtimes wunder if I am properly appryshyaytid rownd heer.)
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
  • Day Score: 7 ish 10
HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Sorry fer the intermishun, evrybody. Mummy's bin doin Olympik Sleepin.
I've bin bizzy carfterin her, an tryin to cheer her up wen she diskuverd that Daddy had eeten all the choklit wen she wassent arownd, an not sayvd her eny, an not sed enything till she suggestid they both hav sum an share it. Then he had to come cleen. An she thort, well I mite as well jus go bak to bed then. An she did. An I've bin jumpin up an down by the compewter sayin "Press the button! Press the button! My public ar waytin for me!" but to no avayle. Yu jus carnt get the staff nowadays.

************

So enyway, on to wat I've bin mewsin abowt....

It all startid cos Mummy haz Radio 4 on in the mornin. An at a kworter to 8 evry mornin they do "Thort Fer The Day" wich is wen sumwun religuss coms on an sez, "Yu kno this bit on the news wen blah blah blah is hapnin? Well issent that a bit like wen Jesus/Budha/the proffit/Rabbi O0jamaflip sed such an such? An Mummy sez well, no, not reelly, not unless yor stretchin it a long long way cos yor gettin a fee. In fakt, she yewzerly terns it off cos it's too errly to get annoyd. But larst week I herd it.

Sumwun waz tolkin abowt the Garden ov Eeden an the snayke. I waz fassinaytid as I always knew that reptyles wer up to sumthing.
But my eers wer up-prikt at the menshun ov the snayke's punishment- to crawl on his belly.
Wat the?

How iz that a punishment to a snayke?

I can now imagin a gazelle bein in trubbol in The Garden of Eeden, an bein very nervoss abowt it an gettin a summons. Off he goze, all shakey an apologetic. An then God sez, "Becos yu've bin a norty gazelle, yor goin to me punisht- from now on yu will PRONK!"

"Oh! Oh!" sez the gazelle, unabol to beleev his luk, "Oh! Not pronk! Not pronk! Oh, OK. Yes, I do diserve it. I waz very norty so now I hav to pronk. Rite oh." an off he goze, thinkin, "Phew!"

I arskt Daddy bowt this, an he sed, well, maybe the snayke dident yewst to crawl. Maybe he yewst to hav legs.
Wha? But then that meens he waz a lizard! A lizard becayme a snayke? (Hav I jus diskuverd proof ov evolushun in the Byebol? That's gonna upset sum peepol.)
I rekkon on a diffrent explanayshun. I rekkon he yewst to walk abowt on his tayle. Yu kno, how dolfins do wen they tryin to impress yer. Heer's a wee ilustrayshun:

There. That solves it nicely. It also meens that they wud hav had a better vew in the long grarss.

But heer's another thing tho- if crawlin abowt on yer belly is a punishment, wat did the werms do rong?


Aha! So there yu see. Nex time yu see a werm in yer garden, an think it is jus a borin littol thing, or possibly eevn just a snak fer Dilly-types, think agen. It is reelly an arch criminal, sumwun hoo did sumthin very very norty indeed.

Bye fer now!

22 comments:

Lynda (Granny K) said...

O Norty Daddy! Better get himself over to Thorntons quick-sticks and Fix The Problem!

Werms an snakes, yuck!We used to have a garter snake but it hung itself - not very bright, snakes and not at all huggable (unlike bears!).

edmundnesbitt said...

My mummy and daddy listen to Radio 2 on a morning. The radio alarm comes on at just before 7 o'clock. Daddy always complains about Sarah kennedy talking over the music....but he is that busy talking about her he misses the news! LOL!

Thought for the Day is also on Radio 2....sounds similar to Radio 4!

i beati said...

Olympic Sleepin - Good for her.. The bible according to Bob. I enjoyed this parable. thanks Bob, any secret missions this weekend??

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Oh, I so love the workings of your mind - I've got tears in my eyes from laughing!

Big hugs lil' bear, tell your mummy I send my love. x

Koobuss said...

Hi Bob!

I left an award for you on my blog. Stop by and pick it up when you have a chance.

Love and Koobuss Kisses,
Koobie

Phytheas said...

Hello Bob, just popped in to say hello "hello". Sorry I haven't been round much, been busy busy helping the JCBinC with her photo a day project. Hope to get a blogging again soon when I can get a turn on the computer!

Phy

Ms. Creek said...

OMG that is the most LOGICAL explanation I've read in a very very long time! And I'm still laughing about it! It makes so much sense, and it took BTB to figure it out!

Celebration of Life said...

Good Job, Bob! LOL

San said...

Way back before they messed up in the Garden of Eden, snakes wore toe shoes and got about gracefully as ballerinas. Ah, them were the days, Bob.

Tell your mum I'm deeply sorry bout the chocklit. That's a cryin' shame.

Julie said...

Grate logik Bob! Pore Mummy. Daddy reely shud get her sum more choclit. I hyd mine in the cubbard so no wun can find it hehehe!

Rachelle said...

Hi Bob!
I have missed you plenty, and Dilly too!
I just wanted to stop by and say hello and get a nose hug!
Paca kisses,
Rachelle

Alex L said...

What do worms do... I'd say its kind of squiging... if thats even a word

Calamity Jane said...

Don't tell Dilly but worm is an ancient name for a dragon! Worms are good - not criminals at all. They do really good things for your garden. Honest.

Asta said...

Bob
I have to wead mowe cawefully in the footoowe..I had no idea wowms wewew evil, but you have made an excellent point..BTW Bob..I gave you an awawd sevewal days ago, and then fowgot to come tell you..it's on my bloggie , but you have to go back to befowe all the cwaziness of tthis last weekend where I just helped lead my local football team to victowy(unexpected)..anyway, if youw Mum is awaje, pawhaps you could come get youw pwise!
smoochie kisses,
Asta

Cassidy said...

Me had no idea worms be so naughty! Does Dilly eat worms? Me tried to eat a sluggy when me be little but it be quite bleurgh!

Nibbles
Cassidy x

A.Bananna said...

Lol. I love the pictures you drew also! that is very good for a bear your size! you are so smart bob!!

have a great week!!!

Anonymous said...

Gillingham another not-a-lose(another not-a-win). I am not a Millwall fan. Everyone knows that Millwall fans live in caves and caves are not internet ready. And anyway they can't read and write can they? I suggest you adopt the principals laid down by Stephen Pile in his book of Heroic Failures. Gillingham could join the Not Terribly Good Club of Great Britain. Success is over-rated you know.

Ms. Creek said...

this has to be one of my all-time favorite posts on any blog!

CHEWY said...

I take worms fishing with me. They go for a swim... and don't come home with me. (tee-hee)

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Hullo peeps! Sorry I've not bin abowt fer a few days....


Lynda,
HAHAHAHAH a snayke that hung itself- we spottid a spider yestaday that seemd to hav dun that. Mummy waz fassinaytid as she had never befor seen wun that had died ov natrol corzis.


edmundnesbitt,
Mummy gets narkt an sez (freekwently) "wy did they stop playin the UK theem? They cus've scrapt TFTD insted!" (sigh). Mor radio for Bears, that's wat's reelly needid. Eny news on the thermol pants frunt yet? (THAT'S the sorta news I want brordcarst!)


i.beati
No seekrit mishuns, unless yu cownt goin to see Gills play!


Shrinky,
Tears in eyes from larfin is OK. In fakt, if yor warin muskara stuff it can mayke yu rarther Pandarish. Weein yerself larfin is anuther matter tho, speshly if yor still forgoin pants. (I hav a good memory!)


Koobuss,
OO! OOO! An award! WOW!!!!!!!!!!
THANKS, Koob! I shall be off to investygayte...


Phyth,
S'ok wee fella. I kno wat it's like wen yu hav to help them. They carnt help bein dependent. It's wy I havent been bak heer fer a few days!
We've enjoyd the foto a day posts!


Ms Creek,
Ahhhhh I luv to think I hav mayde yu smile!


Celebration of Life,
Uh thanyewverymuch [duzz Elvis shake]


San,
wat hed-meds ar yu on. I'm shor Mummy's on the sayme wuns. LOL,
jes kiddin. Dilly liket yor skripshun ov ballay darnsin snaykes.


Julie,
This wun survivd in a sooot cayse, fergotten sooveneer ov a trip. Wunce fownd, it's sekonds wer numberd.
Akchewly, I keep my choklit peenuts in a dror as I find yor rite- if they carnt see 'em they don't eet them.


Rachelle,
Ahhhhh..... we miss yu too. I hope all is OK over there. We Bears keep sendin hugs to yu an yor boy an I hope they reech. Thanks for the paca kisses- they sertinly did!


Alex,
Squiging. Yes, I think that is a werd. I think it's wat laydeez do to loafs ov bred wen they're tryin to chooz wun off the shelf in Tesco's.


Calamity Jane,
Yes, we feed meal werms to Bob Robin an he gets kwite close to Mummy so I rekkon he likes them. She likes it wen sheez diggin in the garden an blackberds com an keep her cumpenny cos they're hopin she finds a werm!
We lookt up dragons on Wikapedia an fownd a pikcher of a werm-wagon. Dilly's goin to put it on her blog!


Asta,
Oh my! Oh my! oh my! oh my!
Anuther award?
WOW!
Gosh, yor maykin my eers go all warm an fuzzy! THANKS awfully! I shall come over in a minit....


Cassidy,
Yu tryd to eet a slug?
Did it stik to yor fur?
Mummy went into the garden in bare feet wun nite, trod on wun, an it skwidged between her toes. She had to tayke a skrubbin brush to them. Bleagh!


a.bananna
Watchoo meen, a Bear ov my size! Cheeky pants! The best things come in small packidges! (Mummy sez.) (Altho, she also sez it duzzent apply to choklitty stuff).


Anon,
WOW!
Yes, indeed they did.
[sigh]
An I waz there, too.
Still, we hav a new stryker so maybe we mite do a bit better.... heez ownly littol, too.
Gee thanks fer the comment!
(Milwall ar scum)
(in fakt, if scum cud hav scum then they're it.)
(exsept that that wud meen that they wud be on top ov it, an reelly they'd be at the bottom.)




Ahem...




Chewy,
YU EET WERMS??????????????
(heheheheh)





thankyu, evrywun, fer visitin me am leevin me messidges :@}

Edmund (the explorer) Nesbitt said...

Hey Bob! Me clothes are ready. Grandma phoned mummy so she'll be coming to collect me hopefully today! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!

PS Where did you get your wellies from? I need some boots now.

Ex

CHEWY said...

Yes I eat worms, colorful Gummi Worms.