Wat Did The Werms Do?

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no - but weer playin today, so bloo undeez on, peepol!
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no (do yu kno, they'v eech bin wivowt me this week! It's troo! That's at leest 2 mist opperchewnitys fer me to ride in the shoppin trolly. I sumtimes wunder if I am properly appryshyaytid rownd heer.)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 7 ish 10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Sorry fer the intermishun, evrybody. Mummy's bin doin Olympik Sleepin.

I've bin bizzy carfterin her, an tryin to cheer her up wen she diskuverd that Daddy had eeten all the choklit wen she wassent arownd, an not sayvd her eny, an not sed enything till she suggestid they both hav sum an share it. Then he had to come cleen. An she thort, well I mite as well jus go bak to bed then. An she did. An I've bin jumpin up an down by the compewter sayin "Press the button! Press the button! My public ar waytin for me!" but to no avayle. Yu jus carnt get the staff nowadays.

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So enyway, on to wat I've bin mewsin abowt....

It all startid cos Mummy haz Radio 4 on in the mornin. An at a kworter to 8 evry mornin they do "Thort Fer The Day" wich is wen sumwun religuss coms on an sez, "Yu kno this bit on the news wen blah blah blah is hapnin? Well issent that a bit like wen Jesus/Budha/the proffit/Rabbi O0jamaflip sed such an such? An Mummy sez well, no, not reelly, not unless yor stretchin it a long long way cos yor gettin a fee. In fakt, she yewzerly terns it off cos it's too errly to get annoyd. But larst week I herd it.

Sumwun waz tolkin abowt the Garden ov Eeden an the snayke. I waz fassinaytid as I always knew that reptyles wer up to sumthing.

But my eers wer up-prikt at the menshun ov the snayke's punishment- to crawl on his belly.

Wat the?

How iz that a punishment to a snayke?

I can now imagin a gazelle bein in trubbol in The Garden of Eeden, an bein very nervoss abowt it an gettin a summons. Off he goze, all shakey an apologetic. An then God sez, "Becos yu've bin a norty gazelle, yor goin to me punisht- from now on yu will PRONK!"

"Oh! Oh!" sez the gazelle, unabol to beleev his luk, "Oh! Not pronk! Not pronk! Oh, OK. Yes, I do diserve it. I waz very norty so now I hav to pronk. Rite oh." an off he goze, thinkin, "Phew!"

I arskt Daddy bowt this, an he sed, well, maybe the snayke dident yewst to crawl. Maybe he yewst to hav legs.

Wha? But then that meens he waz a lizard! A lizard becayme a snayke? (Hav I jus diskuverd proof ov evolushun in the Byebol? That's gonna upset sum peepol.)

I rekkon on a diffrent explanayshun. I rekkon he yewst to walk abowt on his tayle. Yu kno, how dolfins do wen they tryin to impress yer. Heer's a wee ilustrayshun:

There. That solves it nicely. It also meens that they wud hav had a better vew in the long grarss.

But heer's another thing tho- if crawlin abowt on yer belly is a punishment, wat did the werms do rong?

Aha! So there yu see. Nex time yu see a werm in yer garden, an think it is jus a borin littol thing, or possibly eevn just a snak fer Dilly-types, think agen. It is reelly an arch criminal, sumwun hoo did sumthin very very norty indeed.

Bye fer now!