Investigaytin The Bear

Phaseoutgirl Interviews Bob

Do yu kno, Mummy rote bak to PhaseOutGirl an sed that her kwestchons mite be a bit hard fer a yung Bear to arnser. Wat a cheek!!!!! She had them "on hold" in MS Werd, but I sneakt in an got 'em. Ha! I'll show her! Heer goze....

1. Your blog gives the impression that you are an animal lover. Why did you choose the persona of a small bear and not another animal? Any particular significance?

Oh yes, I am indeed an animol luver. I think weer grayte. Far less complicaytid than hewmans. An nicer too, most ov us. Not shor abowt croco-dragons. But most ov us ar.

An yes, havin the personality of a Bear has very particular significants, as I am a Bear. An a particular Bear, at that.

2. I also noticed that you call yourself "agony uncle" and write in "bear language". Can you explain the agony uncle bit, and how it is to write in a different language. Aren't you worried that people won't understand what they are reading?

Ah well, wen I startid bloggin I arnserd letters from Yunger Bears hoo needid advice but dident hav an Older Bear to luk up to. Yu can see sum ov these on my list of "Informativ Exampols-Ov-Bob Posts" on the rite hand side of my blog.

Bears (an Not-A-Bears) ar still always welcom to rite in wiv their problems for me to help solve.

I'm akchewally tri-ligual cos as well as Bear English an Brit-English, I do Spanish too, cos I yewst to liv in Ekwadoor wiv my Daddy. I prefer to blog in my ferst languidge to mayke it easier fer other Bears to reed. Ther arnt menny Blogs owt ther in our languidge, yu kno.

A few peepol hav sed that they carnt reed it. Sumtimes I get narsty messidges sayin I carnt spell. So I rite bak an say, "Well yu carnt reed Bear English, but I don't get narsty abowt it!"

3. Stepping out of the bear character, what does Bob really do and what is he most interested in?

I'm a Bear ov cheeky character, I admit, but ther is a seriuss side to me. I'm a trayned Secrit Agent an cud "phwah!" yu wiv a cunnin karate chop.

Tayken at my Graduayshun from Spy Collidge. On the left is my cuzzin, Henri. We keep in tutch. In fact, he's stayin wiv us at the moment. That's me, on the rite. Our "FIFA" badges stand fer "Federayshun of Internashnol Furry Agents".

As fer my intrests, well, pants, oviussly, then The Simpsons, going shopping, collektin shiney pennys, monitorin rools, navigaytin, marigolding, and sport. I like footboll an I go to watch it wiv Daddy. An Bear sports, like Synchronized Sitting. I also enjoy modern art an will be lornchin a gallery soon.

4. You are given a million pounds to spend on anything, except for yourself and your immediate family. What would you do and why?

WOW thanks!

I wud giv it all to animol charitys, like WSPA, hoo do lots of grayte things to rescew Bears in distress. An The Great Bear Foundayshun too. Ther ar links to them, an other animol charitys on my blog.

Why? Well, sum hewmans hert animols. I don't like that. It also maykes my Mummy cry. I don't like that either. Sumtimes the animols ar hert so much that ther arnt menny ov them left in the wild. I think that nice hewmans shud help us an mayke up fer wat the narsty wuns do. An if they don't, I will. That's wy I'd yews the munny to help.

5. A stranger knocks at your door and tells you that he is a long lost relative, and found your name in letters of his grandparents. He needs shelter since he has had a string of bad luck, is asking for help. He is travelling with his wife and a sick three year old son in their car, and they look really desperate. To top it all, his resemblance to one of your siblings is uncanny. How would you deal with this situation?

Ferst I'd invite them in an get them cups of tea an lots of toast an hunny. Then I'd go an get my Emergensy Hug Pants, cos I mite be a bit scared, akchewally.

I'd arsk Daddy to drive the littol boy up the rode to the hopsikol to mayke him betta. (I wuddent go wiv them, in cayse the boy was sik on me. That stuff mite stik to my fer.) An if the man did look enything like MY sister, I think he wud want to see the docter, too.

Dilly. My sister, & ownly siblin. Yu seriuss?

Then I'd go an get Mummy, an check her Famly Tree. She resercht her Famly Tree larst year an got bak to 1680. I was very prowd cos she fownd out that sum ov her ansesstors wer -wait fer it!- BREECHES MAKERS!!!! WA-HEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I digress......

Wunce the boy was bein lookt arfter, we'd show the visitors the Family Tree an ask wher they think they fit in. (Bein a spy, they mite not be tellin the trooth, they mite jus be on to me.) If they had nowher to go, we'd let them stay the nite an then call my Arnty an Unkols abowt it. Maybe we cud all meet up at the weekend fer a famly picnic, an get to the bottom ov it all.

But I'd hav to arsk my Daddy, reelly.

Thank cu fer the interview, Cecilia!

IF ENY OV YU WUD LYKE ME TO INTERVEW YU, PLEEZE SAY SO ARFTER THIS POST! Ah, go on!

Now, I've got to put this bit at the end. It issent in Bear English, this bit, so eny Bears out ther, I hope yu hav a translaytor handy if yu need wun...

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