WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Guard Socks an George Clooney

Today's scores:
  • Gills: yes
  • Simpsons: mist it: rats!
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
  • Day Score: 7.25493/10
HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Daddy got home from werk an sed, "Hey! Bob! Getcha kit on! Gillingham ar playin tonite!" an I jus had time to hide the pants I haddent kwite finisht frolickin under the bed, get me bloo jumper on, eet a choklit Breakaway bar, an then we wer off. I dident hav time to get on heer an tell yu all that yu need to get yer bloo pants on!

We playd Doncaster (full nayme: Doncaster Donkey Poo) hoo ar so poor, they carnt afford goal posts: their players hav to roll up their coats an yews them insted, in two piles at the end ov the pitch. HAHAHAHA!

Enyway, it waz a not-a-looz. We got 1 goal an so did they. I think it waz jus so cold an dark that neither teem cud be botherd arfter that. Evrywun jus wantid a cuppa tea.

Natchrily me an Daddy hav been kwite consernd abowt leevin Mummy at home wiv Therzday's berfday presents skwirrold away in Daddy's study. Granny warnd us that she likes to sniff owt pressies an find out wat they ar befor the big day. So we had to adopt sum desprit security mezzurs: GUARD SOCKS.

The dor to Daddy's study, wiv Guard Socks in playse.

Ov corsse, men AN women wear socks, but it taykes a man to mayke a Guard Sock. Wat yu hav to do is wear them. That's abowt it, reelly. Then tayke them off an put them in playse in frunt ov wat yu want gardid.

Be warnd: they ownly werk on gerls. Boys ar immewn to the yewneek aroma ov the good Guard Sock. Gerls, on the other paw, hav been known to parss owt.

Daddy's a pro, an his socks hav a matchure vommitty smell. But if yor socks arnt as traynd, yu can thro them under the bed for a week or 2 or bury them at the bottom ov the washin barsket. Enywhare whare they can hav a good rot undisterbd.

We got bak from football abowt 15 minits ago. Not ownly did the socks werk in that the pressies ar untutchd, but Mummy iz cookin Chikn Curry. She sez she duzzent kno wy she suddenly fanseed Chikn Curry at 11.30 at nite, but yu an I kno: sertain fumes needid cuverin. Wa-heyy! A dubbol result!

Enyway. Yestaday, arfter my If They Weren't Human piktcher, sum ov yu arskt hoo I wud be if I wassent Bob The Bear. Well, folks, Calamity Jane spotted a serten resemblance a few months bak.......

Bye fer now!

31 comments:

Meanie the baby dragon said...

Oh yah, me weemembow diz picktow ov u an George Clooney! I nawt shuh wut me wook yike if me wuh humun.... wut du u fink, Bob?

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

I think yu wud look like Elvis, Meanie.

A.Bananna said...

I think you would be cuter than george. I like your sock idea! any ideas on what would work on men??

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

a.bananna,

Genrilly enything pink.

Apart from pants, cos their pantayshusness exseeds their pinkisity.

But pink flowers, now that wud werk. Speshaly smelly wuns.

:@}

Dilly said...

Daddy's sox be skustin.
All boys skustin.
Smelly.
Bob not hav barth.
Not hav barth 2 yeers.
Dilly not like gard sox!
Smell!
Poo!
Boys in howse mayke howse smell poo!

¬"

Pope Terry said...

The worst guard socks i've ever smelt were from my friends older brother, my god they were something special. Could strip the feathers off a chicken with that smell.

Your quite good at finding peoples inner animal arent you Bob

Asta said...

Bob
What gweat advice about the socks.I'll have to twy that,my Mommi's birfday is this momf too,hehe,well I think Geowge Clooney is almost as handsome as you(and mostly cause he has the same name asmy Daddi)
smoochie kisses
Asta

Asta said...

Bob
I fowgot to mention, that evewyone is ok,just a bit bwuised, but now we wewe hauled off to jail..it's a long stowy, thank you fow the beaw hugs,they weally help
smoochie kisses and choklit peanuts fow my sweet Bob
Asta

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Ah, you are far better looking than George, any day! I know what you mean about man-socks (eeeewch)! Jake only ever steals man-socks, girl-socks are nowhere near as satisfying to snort..

Tell your mummy "happy birthday" from me for Thursday, hope it's a good one.

Lynda (Granny K) said...

If mummy had added the socks to the chicken curry, now that would have been tasty! (eeurrrch!)

Phytheas said...

For extra guarding protection you could use trainers as well as socks. Has George asked you or your autograph yet?

Phy

CHEWY said...

Bob,
You are more handsome than George and you are a better actor too! George should study your short films for some acting & dancing tips.

Ms. Creek said...

mmm i wished you were george!

mrsnesbitt said...

Don't you think George Clooney looks like Terry Wogan?
Do you know Pudsey bear?

Great stuff Bob, hope your mum is having a nice birthday!
Dx

RUTH said...

Gosh you could be George Clooney's twin! Though you look younger. I wonder if he'd like you to be his stand in when he makes his next film?
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you Mum that she gets the OU results she wants.Think I'm ok re books thanks :o)
{{HUGS}}
Rx

RUTH said...

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your Mum
{{more hugs}}

i beati said...

miss you on my blog had special posts for you 3 weeks back alpaca bear . guard socks hilarious

CHEWY said...

Bob,

Lordy, Lordy, look who's forty!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your Mum!

Best wishes for this joyous day. Woo-Hoo!

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Dilly! Keep owt ov my blog!

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Pope Terry,

"Strip the feathers off a chicken"

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaahahahaha
hahahaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHahahaaaAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAHahaAHAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAA!

Ooooo I've gotta stitch now...

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Asta,

oooo mor smoochiness! HEHEHE! Yu mayke me blush!

:@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Asta,

I dident kno that Koobus waz yor cuzzin. I wud hav sent a present for him too! Oh well. Maybe yu cud giv him the box. I wunce knew a doggy hoo luvd to play wiv boxes. The wun I sent yor present in is just the rite size to keep a bonio in.

;@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Shrinky,

Jake is a very stranyge doggy if he snorts man sox!!! Maybe he wants a job as a sniffer dog!

:@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Lynda,

Wa-heyy! Sock curry. Or wat abowt pant curry! Now yor torkin!

Wa-heyy!

:@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Phyth,

Daddy's trayners ar kept in the garridge!

:@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Chewy,

Gosh, thank cu!

Mummy yewst to like George Clooney on ER. But now she thinks he is a bit old an plastikky lookin. Hehehee....

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Ms Creek,

I keep meenin to arsk... WY is yor cat calld George Dog????

:@o

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Mrs Nesbitt,

Now yu say it....yes, he duzz, a bit! HAHAHAHAA! Ireland's arnser to George Clooney is Terry Wogan! HAHAHAA! THAT is funny! HAHAA....no, hang on, wayte a minit! That's not troo- I AM! Hahahaha!

I keep seein Pudsey on the telly. Wen they tork abowt wat's on next, he walks along an wayves at me, an throws his arms up at me. Hav yu seen that? I always joyne in! Maybe yu shud too! I shall think ov yu nex time!

:@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Ruth,

or maybe he cud be my stunt man wen I do my next video-frolick!

:@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

i.beati,

Oh, sorry!
Like I sed, I waz very bizzy laytely, wat wiv Mummy bein ill an then gettin reddy fer her berfday... I shall hav to catch up wiv evrywun's blogs next week. Sorry!

:@{

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Chewy!

HAHAHA! She duzzent like that werd. She sez she feels old.
PAH! I arsk yu- she sez she feels old an then watchis kids' tv wile eetin ice lollies!

:@}