Weekend Report

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: YES! We beat Cheltenham 2-1
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes, three times! An changed dat kettol at larst
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: Sat= 5.5/10 Sun= 8/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well as yu can tell from der abuv scores, der weekend woz a bit ov a mixcher. Saterday woz goin well. We went to Tescos 3 times coz I kept hiding der list an dey kept fergetting things. Den, on der drive down to Sheppey we parst 13 Tesco lorrys and 17 lorrys from other food shops. Dis, I new, waz a bad omen.

Daddy an me went to see Gillingham beat Cheltenham (dere full name, I beleev, gleened from wot der fat men awl rownd us were showting, is "Cheltenham-hoo-hav-ownly-jus-com-up-to-dis-division-but-hoo-don't-disserv-it-coz-dere-scum City).

Wen we got bak to Granny's, mummy cookt dinner and Granny throo up. We rusht her to der hopsikal an Dilly insistid on coming coz she sez sheez a nerse. Wunse dere, a REAL nerse (note dat, Dilly, eevn if she wozzent wearing a sodding Nersey hat) lookt arfter Granny an testid her wee, wich made a stik go purpol. WOW I diddent no Granny woz so clever. Den mummy wontid a wee too, an nikt wun ov der stiks to test her own wee. WOW she mayd it go purpol too. Wots rong wiv der wimen in dis famlee? In der end der nerse sed dat it woz just co-in-sid-ants, an dat der purpol wee trik wozzent wot made Granny throw up. In wich cayse I think dis nerse needs help, if she just goze rownd testing peepol's wee for der hellovit. Enyway, she gayve Granny two injectshons an we took her bak home.

By Sunday she woz OK agen. But we were awl worried, espeshally der bears dat liv wiv her. I mean, bears don't reelly do barths so it's a bit nerve-rakking wen sumwun in der saym howse is makin vomit deposits in varius places an formulae.

I wud jus like to poynt out, wiv no preshor from my sponsor at all, dat der meal mummy cookt woz in no way responsibol fer der afformenshoned deposits. Eevn if she DID ferget to put der unyons in till layter so dey diddent cook much.

Dats just a co-in-sid-ants, too.

PHOTO: Dilly sez she iz a nerse so she has to dispense awl der medisins round here. She sez real nerses wear nerse hats.

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