WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Thursday, May 03, 2007


Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
  • Day Score: minus 3 /10


Yu know, there ar a lot of diffrences between Hewmans an Bears.

Sum of the things we hav which they don't are obvious. Like fer exampol fur, cuteness, and an innate ability to darnce without looking like yor trying to get a bug out of yor shoe.

But then there are the things that ar mor suttel. Like, LOYALTY for instance.

Hav a look at this. This is a LOYALTY card. As yu can see, this wun is in my nayme. Daddy has wun too.-

I hav a Tesco LOYALTY card becos I do LOYAL, and becos I do LOYAL, I do my shopping at Tesco. Bears do loyal, yu see. See a theme forming here?

Well, yestaday, arfter a jolly nice arftanoon looking at the baby birds on the pond in the park an throwing bits of Tesco bread at their parents, we wer in mid-drive bak home wiv me navigayting on the dashboard, an yu know wat Mummy said?

"Let's go to ASDA!"

What the????????????????????

Despite my protests they terned the car in the ASDA direkshun. I retreated to the bak of the car. No way was I goin to hav a paw in direktin them to THERE.

Off they went, the two of them AND Dilly, into the scum festerin shop that even has green letterin in its nayme, leaving me to guard the car.

An hour.

ONE HOUR, folks. AND they made me miss The Simpsons during it.

Daddy sed that he was ownly followin instrukshons but I told him, that dident werk at Nuremberg an it aint gonna werk wiv ME.

On the drive back, Mummy told me about how an ASDA person was rood an unhelpful LIKE I WAS MEANT TO CARE.
She apologised for going in there an tryd to get round me by saying,

"Well, Bob, NOW I will just appreshyate Tesco more!"

Ah well, better is she hoo appreshyates wat LOYAL means wivout havin ferst to compare wat a scum festering shop is like, is all I can say.

Wen we got home I had a long talk wiv Grayum. He cheered me up a bit. He's a wise old Bear. Bit skinny though, so not really good on the Bear Hug front. So I wondered off to find another Bear to hug...

little bear lost

WANTED: hugs fer small trormatized Bear

....an guess wat I found Dilly doing?????? BUILDING A BLOG.

Folks, I kid yu not. There is now wun mor green presence on the web.

An there was me thinking my day cuddent get eny werse......

Please send hugs.


Chalkhills Collective said...

Bob, this is terrible. Consider yourself hugged.


phaseoutgirl said...


return nose hug for a very loveable and sweet bear who comes to our rescue when we need cheering up!

stay cool!


Phytheas said...

I am only very small, but I'm sending you my biggest hug. What's this about The Dragon having her own blog?

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


Thank yu. I knew yu'd understand. Thank yu for the hugs. Sff. Sf. Ssssfff.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


Oh, I wish yu cud come round fer tea. I cud sit on yor lap an we cud watch The Simpsons together.

Mummy's cooking salmon tonight. I don't like it, It's pink. I prefer pie. Or casseroles. Yu know. Brown food.

Ssfff. Sf. Sff. Ssssssfff.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


it's troo.

Mummy sez not to worry, it'll keep her out of mischiff. But that's not the point. I'M the diaryer in this family.


Helena said...

Oh Bob, I said I was sorry.

Would you like some chocolate peanuts???


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


See, folks? Insult to injury. Insult to injury.

Shrink wrapped scream said...

Oh, my poor little baby,

What a rotten day you've had! Asda stinks, Tesco rules! And as for this sister of yours, no need to worry your little head, noone could write a blog better than you. I'm sending you a huge cuddle and a squeeze ('cos everyone knows a cuddle's no good without a squeeze). Chin up, brave lad, you'll get through.

(Nose hugs) xx

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

OWH thank yu, Shrink Wrapped. Yes, a good squeez is wat yu need. That's the seecrit of a good Bear Hug.

I'm so relieved yu agree about As*a.

Do yu know, Mummy sed that they had lots of currys reduced so she picked one up an put it in the trolley. Then carried on looking. Then the spotty lad (Asda is run on spotty lads) put new stickers on the currys, reducing them even more. So Mummy offerred him hers and said, "Oh good! Are yu reducing these even mor??"

Now, Shrink-Wrapped, as yu undowtedly know, in TESCO, the non-spotty lad (they use a better breed) wud hav smiled and sed "Yes! That's well timed of yu!" and put a new sticker on.

Well, the As*a spotty muldoon said, "Oh I'm not allowed to reduce that wun: yu already had it in yor trolley."

What the??????

So Mummy just sed, "Oh. Well in that case yu can hav it bak." an plopped it bak in front of him.


LAter on, Daddy went bak an got it agen, sootably reduced AGEN.


But is that putting the customer first?


It's being a scum festerin spotty muldoon.

And the curry was horribol too. HAHA. Serves them right.


Margaret said...

I'm with you, Bob. I hate Asda. Tesco, I think might be getting a bit too big, but still the best. Unless you count Waitrose. But there isn't one near me. And they cost a bit more, too.