WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".

Monday, December 17, 2007

Crismoss is comin an Mummy's gettin fat...

Scores since Saturday:

  • Gills: oh, don't.
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: yes
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 haha! /10
  • Overall Score: 7.169374289 /10
  • Advent calendar pikcher: Saterday: it's either an angel agen, or a laydy standin too neer the fire. Sunday: another bloke wiv a scroll. Today: 3 kings ridings llamas. Altho, Mummy sez they're camels, but if they ar, they're the funnyest lookin camels I've ever seen. Not that I've seen that menny, but I cud still dror a better wun, eevn tho I've ownly seen very few ov 'em.

Yu may recall that on Saterday I sed that if Gillingham dident beet Bournemouth ov all peepol, seein as they wer bottom of the leegue, then I wud chew my foot:
Nuff sed.

Moovin on....

Mummy has been feelin "kwite bloated". This is wat she calls it wen she carnt get into her big jeans. She has 2 kinds ov jeans: normal jeans an big jeans. Big jeans ar for just arfter Berfdays, Easter an Crismoss. Well, sheez a tad worreed as it is the week BEFOR Crismoss an she carnt get into her fat er, I meen, big jeans. We think it may hav sumthing to do wiv the way she ate 15 eggs in less than a week.

It's troo. Larst Munday she mayde herself a 3-egg omlet. Then the next day she got up an thort, "Well, blow me! I fancy another wun!" an so she ate another 3-egg omlett. Then the next day the sayme thing happend agen, an the next day, an on till Friday. 15 eggs in all. (An yet she still mannidges to poo mor than wunce a day. Yu hav to admire her dedycayshun.)

Enyway. I thort that at leest this wud meen the cakes an biskits we got in fer Crismoss wud be safe. But oh, no! She sez she has to test them to mayke shor they ar good enuff for Crismoss. So far she has tested her way throo 3 Walnut Whips, 1 box of Marks and Spencer's Choccie Biccies an 6 Eccle-fekken Tarts (it's not a phrase I lernt at football, that, it's reelly wat they're calld.) At this rate we will hav the most tested an refined Crismoss Feast on record. I bet there's been royalty that hassent had its Crismoss fare tested kwite as well as we hav.

Still. This duzz meen that Crismoss is reelly on its way now. Did yu notiss my new Crismossy stationery at the top? AND! Weev got the tree up!

We bort a real wun. It had been dug up for Crismoss larst yeer but no wun bort it. So the peepol at the farm left it in its pot all yeer an as it dident die, we bort it, thinkin, this is ALIVE an therefor will not SHED it's prikly fingers all over my carpet an get into small soft paws. Hmmm... I'll let yu kno how that theory goze. Meenwile, heer ar sum pik's from this eevnin:
Ferst, a littol fetilizing to help it.....

Ta-daaahhhhh! Hang on! It looks bigger than this in reel life, onnist!

We bort theez angels wen we wer in Ireland. They hav shamroks insted ov wings. Ha! They ar too hevvy to put on the tree tho, so I've stood them at the bottom.

I jus wish to hav it on record that I had nothing to do wiv the choyse ov this angel, wich Mummy an Dilly sneekt into the howse wen I wassent lookin....

Dilly is fassinaytid wiv the woolly snowflakes an carnt understand wy she carnt eet them.

Heer's me an Sam. I like to sit an stare at the lites on a Crismoss tree, an sam has never seen wun befor. So we apent sum time this eevnin just relaxin underneeth it....

Bye fer now!


Ms. Creek said...

wow bob, i love the decorations on your tree. and i think it is the perfect size since you pood on it and it grew!

now, you must understand...sometimes a woman needs to eat. i've been eating lots of sweets since my mom died in september. my fat pants won't fit anymore, but they will....but for now...i have a feeling your mum and i will continue to indulge.

A.Bananna said...

I love your angels from ireland! they are so so cute!!
I love chocolate! that is a weakness of mine! that is when I need fat skirts since I do not wear pants! lol.

Have a great week!! Thank you again for the advent calander! we love it!!!

Stanley said...

Hey, Bob!

Your tree is bootiful. I love it! Bonus that it is still alive. With your fertilizing of it, it should live for a good many years to come.

My hooman girl loves to do what you and Sam have been doing today. Since she was a wee girl she would lie down on the floor under the Christmas tree and stare up at the lights. When she was very tiny, her parents had this sparkly silver tree and a color wheel that projected 4 different colors of light at the silvery tree. That was her fave one to lie down under.

Thanks for letting me share.

Tell your mummy she may need to get her some REALLY BIG jeans to add to her collection.

Goober love,

Pope Terry said...

Its a very nice tree Bob, and good to see your doing your 'bit' for it.

Cassidy said...

Me likes your tree. Mummy and daddy say we not allowed a tree because me will eat it. Me will show her your tree on table to see if mummy say ok ok!

Cassidy x

Molly and Taffy said...

Yes Bob, Christmas is on the way!

WE are all very excited here too. Tree is up but have to say that sadly there still has been no testing of festive food. I have offered though.!


Lynda (Granny K) said...

Your twee and decorations look lovely!
I wouldn't even try to get into my jeans. At the end of a work day i can't wait to get out of suit trousers and into 'jogging pants' and slippers. I've been sampling mince pies, Quality Street and lager quite a lot lately.

Celebration of Life said...

Wow! That's a lovely tree! I am surprised that Dilly hasn't hung her bows on it! Our tree has purple bulbs, silver snowflakes and an angel on top. I would like to wish all of you, including your Mum a very Merry Christmas!

Meanie the baby dragon said...

Hi Bob! Me weemembowz uh sahng bowt kwizmuz: Kwizmuz iz dummin duh gooz iz dittin fat pweez put uh pennee in duh ohd manz hat, if u havnt dot uh pennee uh hay pennee weow do, if u havnt got uh haff pennee den God bwezz U!

Blue said...

Hey! Love the tree.
Christmas isn't Christmas without one. They are on eof my favourite things.


PS - see we have a mutual doogy friends!

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Oh, Ms Creek, yu owtgrew yor PANTS??? Heheeehehehehehehehahahaha

Oh boy, my sides hert.


Mummy sez yu probly meen wat we call trousers. Oh, too layte I've hert myself.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAahahahahahahahahahahahahahahehehehehe oh oh stoppit stoppit hhaaahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

oh, Mummy sez YU probly meen wat we call trousers, too. Oh. HEHEHEEE. Oh boy. HEHEHEE. It's the thort ov yu both wiv bare bottoms. Not BEar bottoms. HEHEHEHEE. I've got a bare bear bottom HAHAHAAHAHAHA oh I hert bad now.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


She haz tayken to flollopin abowt in her pajarmah bottoms cos they're stretchy. Cud be an intrestin Crismoss dinner. HA!

I like to look up at the lites an imagin I'm owt in the woods lookin up at the stars...


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Pope Terry,

Ah yes. Well, it werkt fer the marrygolds!


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


they wer worreed heer abowt gettin a reel tree cos ov wat we Bears do behind trees in the wood. Maybe they think yu will yews it the sayme sorta way! Tell her that so long as it catches in the pot, it's not a problem. An enyway, if it starts to smell yu jus blame yor siblin. Hehehe.


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Molly, Taffy an Edward,

See if yu can go shoppin fer sum ov the food wiv them. Arfter all that werk they mite tayke pity on yu an throw yu a mince pie. Always look worn out wen yu come bak from the shops, that's the trik. Then yu stand a good charnce ov gettin sumthing from the bag, befor it eevn reeches the fridge or cubberd.


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


Ooooo Quality Street! I like the long toffee fingers. Dilly likes the green tryangles!

Good to see yu bak!


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Celebration of life,

It took a lot ov control an distrakshun tekneeks to stop her puttin all her bows on it! She sez she wants to get a big bow an put it rownd the pot. Lookin fer wun that's big enuff is keepin her kwyert an bizzy. Hurray!

Thank yu for yor happy Crismossin. Happy Crismoss to yu too!


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


Yay! That's the wun! Ha!


B.T.Bear (esq.) said...


Hullo! Mewtchol doggy frends, eh? I'm off to investigayte! HEHEHE!


Asta said...

That is an excellent twee.and I see you'we taking vewy good cawe of it I have a gweat big twee and I love to lie undew it with Mommi too with all the othew lights tuwned off..Mommi has ben weawing stwetchie pants a lot wecently too..maybe it's a new fashion twend
smoochie kisses

Ms. Creek said...

what else would pants mean? trousers are like farmer men pants! lol

i beati said...

Christmas agrees with you Bob. I think Mummy and I shall invent some expand with people jeans..