Mother's Day Attemptid Murder

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes: we playd Yeovil (full nayme: Yeovil-grass-chewing-scum) but nobody got a goal. It waz 0-0. I think they wer all distraktid, all thinkin "I must get my Mum a card arfter this."
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes- I had to go an get Mummy a card (wun wiv a bear on it)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score:4 (bein almost killd kinda taykes the shine off a day)/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

It waz Mother's Day yesterday so we all went to Granny's an gayve her a gerly-lookin card wiv cats on, a choklit cayke, a book an a T-Shert wiv sparkly flowers on it.

Mummy's brother, my Unkol David, waz there, wiv Arnty Stephanie an mor nephews. Theez wuns ar calld Alex an Dominic an ar kwite littol. I've met them befor. I yewzerly jus sit on a shelf an pertend not to be reel. This werkt for Dilly just fine yesterday: she got in wiv the dragons on Granny's shelf an went unnotist. But it waz a tad mor complicaytid fer me.

Well, az yu kno, yu can tell a Bear is reel by his kneez. My legs ar ov the fully-fledged bendy variety, wiv is a ded give-away. So I snuggold down in between a cuppol ov big cushons on the sofa, wiv them tukt in owt ov site.

I thort I'd be safe but I waz foyled by Dominic's bownsin-up-an-down-on-the-sofa eskapayde.

"Wat's he doin there?" he arskt his mummy.

"I don't kno!" she sed. An befor MY mummy cud reskew me he had me in wun hand an waz slappin my bottom wiv the other! What the? He sed that I'd been norty, hidin in the sofa.

Mummy got me off him an sed he wassent to hit me an that it wassent nice. Well, he sed, "Heez OWNLY a teddy!" Dam cheek!!!! An then he startid to punch me so I got him bak. Mummy warnd him I did karrarty but he wuddent lissen an he jus arskt for it. So I went PHWAR! an got him agen an as he rolld over I tikkold his bak till he gayve in an ran off.

I thort that waz it but heed just gon off for reinforcements: Alex, his slitely bigger an mor ginger bruther.

Well! They both sed that I waz JUST a TEDDY. They eevn sed that I cuddent talk, an that it waz Mummy "doin my voyce". Eevn wen she stufft her mowth full ov biskits, they still sed it wassent me talkin, -this time they sed it was Daddy! Wat nonsense!

Then we all had biskits. I got wun too. I waz starvin: must hav bin nerves. I ate it kwikly an I think that impresst Dominic as I herd him say to his mummy, "How did he eet his biskit?" HA! See? Ownly REEL Bears eet biskits!

Wen they got in their car to leev, I darnsed along their window to jeer at them. Inside, I cud hear Alex sayin, "Go on, Dom! Kill 'im! Kill 'im!" so I shook my furry ass at them.

Onnistly, I thort bein kidnapt by the Irish nephews waz bad enuff, but theez wuns wer werse! I wontid to put up a warnin poster abowt them but Mummy won't let me. So serfice it to say, if yor a Bear in the Walthamstow area an see two small gingery boys walkin abowt together, be on yor gard. Best swot up on yor kararty skills, just in cayse.

25 fotoze for the 25th of Deesember

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: no: weekend off fer good bahyavior.
• Simpsons: yes: a brillyent "Lisa is best out ov evrywun" episode.
• Tesco: no, an she sneekt off to Saynsbury's agen, an then insultid The Bear's immense intellygense by pertendin she haddent been enyware. Huh.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 8.5/10
• Weekend Score: 8, on accownt ov that Simpsons episode. Wish I'd recordid it! /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

An thankyew fer yor payshunse. It haz tayken a long time to get Blogger to upload eny fotoze at all, let alone all the wuns I want to show yu! In the end I drayped the compewter box wiv lots ov pants an, arfter a few encurridging kicks, it gayve in an admittid that I waz boss ov it.

So. Heer we go then. My foto-jernol ov Crismoss Day.....

The tree sort ov recuvverd from the munching aphids, but endid up a bit thinner. Never mind. We jus threw mor an mor stuff on it till yu cuddent see all the gaps. This is errly Crismoss mornin....

This is the Crib that Mummy mayde, owt ov clay....Wen we cayme downstairs we fownd our soks an pressies....

This waz my sok:

This is wun ov my fayvrit pressies, a Poo chart! I shall do a post all abowt this layter, by speshol reekwest ov Stanley!

I also got sum speshol Spy Pens an sum choklit Peanuts!

This waz Dilly's sock:

She got a new ribbon, a Freddo Frog bar, a pink wind-up bug. But her fayvrit pressie is a "pwinsessy sofa-bed". It lifts up an she puts all her stuff in the bottom ov it, wich meens bows, mostly, reelly. It's very pink (urrrgh) but it keeps her owt ov my way!

Sam got a pullover an a hat:

He luvs his "Beanie Hat". He thinks it maykes him look cool. He keeps yewsin werds like 'dood' an 'hangin'. As in, "Whare's my tea hangin, dood?" an then he trys to mayke his paws clik.

The Windowsill Bear Familee got sum Bear gingerbred. There wer three bits, in the shape ov a big Daddy Bear, a meedium Mummy Bear, an a littol Baby Bear. LBBBJ waz a bit mift at the size ov the smallist. Dilly staulked the bow.

Mulligan Tyre Bear got a Hunny Stik an kwikly hid it from LBBBJ.

Grayum got the jumper an soks he wontid...

He has worn it ever sinse, exsept I did mayke him tayke it off wen Gillingham playd Nottingham Forest the next day (full nayme: 'Nottin-scum Forest-not-fit-for-a-Bear-to-poo-in') as it looks a bit like their kit. Speshly wiv that tree on it.

Ov all the pressies Daddy got, our fayvrit waz a box ov mini choklit bars. They wer mor our size, reelly!

I got this bloo hoodie fer Crismoss too!

Amung Mummy's pressies waz this new bag. Heer I am tryin it owt fer size. I like the culler. Not shor abowt that flower tho.

We broke off pressie openin for a wile wen Mummy spottid a Bob-Robin in the gardin. He lookt like he cuddent fly. He sat on the grarss fer a long time so Mummy went owt to arsk if he waz allrite. He let her pik him up. She sed his wings wer ok, but his tayle waz a bit floppy. So she brort him in...

Me, Daddy an Granny put him in a box an drove him to a Mergensy Anmol Hopsikol neer our howse. A laydy opend the door an sed, "Oh! A robin! An on Crissmoss Day!" an took him in.

(Mummy waz worreed bowt him, but rang them a few days layter an they sed he waz ok. They sed he waz littol an they had to wayte fer his new tayle fethers to grow bak befor he goze owt to play agen. They wer feedin him werms.)

As well as Granny, my Unkol David an Arnty Stephanie cayme, an brort my cuzzins Alex an Dominic. Heer they ar, playin wiv Granny.

Mummy cookt.....

Turkey!

There waz lots ov food...

...tho Grayum preferd to sniff owt a few simpol Beary snaks.

It's apparently a big compliment to the cook wen all yor gests ar comatose on the sofa arfter dinner!

We Bears rowndid off the day wiv a good Bedtime reed! (Hey! Grayum's warin Sam's Beanie Hat!)

Tomorro I'll tell yu abowt wen we went to Granny's howse an took the massarge chair wiv us for the Sheppey Bears to try out!

Bye fer now!

Book, enywun?

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, the littol wun, cos they wer gettin seeriossly low on cow jooss.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: bizzy /10
• Day Score: 7.83972/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

We went fer a drive to the seaside, at a playse calld Aldeburgh. Aldeburgh haz beechis full ov so menny pebbols yu'd think yu'd wonderd off the roade into a fludded kworry, wiv a few lost boates bobbin abowt.

We ownly stayd neer the sea to admire the stones fer a few minits, as the gayle force wind sort ov detraktid from the expeerience just a tad. But we did go explorin the shops, incloodin a littol cafe calld "The Cabin" wher Mummy had the "All Day Breakfast" an neerly showd us all up by giggling at the waytressis, hoo kept arguing an givin eech other bad looks. (She sed she did feel sorry for them, but it waz like wotchin Fawlty Towers.)

Still, at leest it waz entertaynment wile we wayted harf an hour fer our tea an fodder. I was far mor intrestid in the way her bottom waz escaypin from her skirt, both abuv an below it. (Wun ov the waytressis, not Mummy, hoo prefers to keep eny lumpy bits Well Tuckt In An Coverd. Unlike the current trend fer lettin it all hang owt an entertaynin eny small Bears in the visinity. Wa-heyy!)

Mummy mayde a cuppol ov perchessis in the shops, wun extreemly good, an the other extreemly poor.

They wer both fer my cuzzin, Alex, hoo will be 7 next munth. I like Alex. He haz oringe hair an a toy dog calld Spike.

Heer iz the extreemly exsllent perchess, the berfday card, wich I'm shor yu'll agree is beary exsllent indeed:

Heer iz the embarrassingly poor perchess, the present (er....the book, not me.):

Did yu see the mistayke?

Aha! That's rite! Alex is ALREDDY SIX, Mummy, so there's no poynt in getting THIS book fer his NEXT berfday. D'oh! Eevn if he WUD kwite like the storeez in it, yung persons ar kwite sensitiv abowt wether they ar 6 or 7, so he won't be wontin "HA HA YOR STILL 6" ritten all over the frunt ov a present fer his 7th Berfday.

On spottin her errer, she sed that I can hav the book. Wat an insult! I waz reeding far beyond this age groop a few yeers ago! Tsk! (Yu kno, wen I say I am unda-appyshyaytid rownd heer, she looks at me like I don't kno wat I'm talkin abowt!)

So heer we ar- stuk with a book an no 6 yeer olds to giv it to.

So I cayme up with a plan:

Do yu hav eny 6 yeer olds owt there hoo wud like this book? If so, let me kno arfta this post an email me yor address an I'll send it to yu. Watever country, that duzzent matter. I mite eevn put a littol extra sumthin in the pakkidge too. Sumthing a bit Beary. Ferst come, ferst servd, so get ryting!

Bye fer now!