That waz a grayte weekend!

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: resting
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy wiv berfday party gaymes for this wun/10
• Overall Score: 8.99999999909/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WOW! Wat a grayte weekend!

Thank yu for all the berfday messidges. Ms Creek sent me a grayte E-card wiv a Bear on it wich waz reelly nice to find in the eevnin, wen things wer carmin down a bit. Hehehee!

I mayde a video ov the day. Just as well, as I seem to hav forgotten alot ov it. Funny that. That happend larst yeer, too. Still. Leest I dident looz my party hat this time. Larst yeer I fownd it down the end ov the garden on the bird-tabol. Wiv a traffik-cone.

Hope yu like the vid. If yu carnt see it heer, try on you-tewb, heer.

I've had a few kweerys abowt me berfday, naymely, wen is it eggsaktly, Bob? an how old ar yu, Bob?

Well, as I waz adoptid, they desydid that the May Bank Holiday wud be my berfday, as it waz the ferst day we all went owt together. Mummy adoptid me ferst, yu see, an sent me off to Ekwador to liv wiv Daddy for a wile, cos that's ware he livd an werkt in thoze days. Then he cayme bak heer for a few weeks to vizit, an brort me bak wiv him, an we all went owt together, an it waz May Bank Holiday.

Now, May Bank Holiday allways lands on a Munday, so the akchewal dayte chaynges. Well, I told them, if the dayte can chanyge, my dears, so can the blinkin day ov the week. I don't much fansy havin my berfday on a Munday agen, thank yew very much. So this yeer I put my furry foot down an sed I'll hav it on the larst Saterday in May. An I think that'll be a good day to stik to. In fakt, if I had stuk to the REAL Bank Holiday (larst Munday) then it wud hav rayned all day on my berfday jus like it did larst yeer.

Now! My age. In hewman yeers I'm abowt 8. I waz abowt 8 larst yeer too. I waz a tad yunger befor that. Bears don't get older till we want to. I'm jus fine bein 8 at the moment.

Lisa Simpson's 8, by the way. Just thort I'd menshun that.

Bye fer now!

Holiday log part 1: Holiday Food...yum!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 - me an Sam got a combined attak on Mummy HUZARR! /10
• Day Score: 6.6379842/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

We travold down to the New Forest larst Sunday a bit layter than we plannd cos we wer exsytid over me bein menshund on the raydio in the mornin. Then it startid snowin an we hung abowt till it stopt. We got to the bed & brekferst playse abowt 6 o clok: It was calld The Cottage Lodge. Sum ov it waz bilt in the 17th sentry owt ov old ship wood, so I waz careful to chek owt our room for spiders cos Mummy duzzent like them. I dident find eny so she cayme in.

We wer starvin an the laydy in charge gayve us tea an cayke as soon as we arrivd! It was yum an went down too farst for a foto. That eevnin we went to a pub calld The Forester's Arms (don't kno wat happend to his legs) an we ate prorns an fishcaykes, an me an daddy shared a beer an a cheezecayke:
The nex day we went explorin an this means lots ov drives an strolls. It waz cold an must hav been snowin befor we got thare cos we fownd sum snowmen in the woods, eevn tho there waz no mor snow left on the grownd. Heer's a punk wun:

We drove to a town calld Lyndhurst an wen we wer waytin at the trafiik lites, look at the lorry that drew up nex to us!!!!!-WOW! It's a cayke an biskit truk!! Follo that truk, Daddy!!!!!
HEHEHE! We tryd but we lost him. Hey ho!

We did find a proper old fashund sweet shop tho, wiv lots ov diffrent sweets all in jars, an a "pik an mix" shelf.... Mummy sneekt a foto inside wen the laydy wassent lookin. The shelvs wer like this all rownd the shop. It smelt reelly nice in there, like hunny:
In the eevnin we went to a Indian Restrornt calld The Dynasty wich we thort wud be a Chineez Restrornt, coz they yewzly hav naymes like that. Dilly likes eny currys tho, speshly hot wuns...

Theez types ov eeterys ar good as they yewzly hav dim lytin an pot plarnts in the corners. My inside beads don't cope well wiv hot curry, so I mayde full yuws ov the corner fasillyties:On Chewsday we did mor explorin an endid up at a playse calld Buckler's Hard wich I think is a bit of a weird nayme. It's a villidge rownd a dok, whare Nelson had sum ov his ships bilt. Thare is a mewseum an stuff, an old cottidges. An cayke! This waz a yummy shortbred wiv toffee an choklit on top:Heer's me wiv a Visitor Informayshun Bear. He waz on his tea brayke:Daddy tuk me an Mummy's pikcher neer a big anker. Ankers ar wat they yewst to yewz to stop ships befor they inventid the Stop Button.

We wer too tyerd to go owt to dinner that nite but gess wat? We fownd a layte nite Tesco in the town! Wa-heyy! So we bort choklit, salad, sossidges, dips an crakers, an had a piknik in our room on the bed wile watchin House on TV. It waz grayte! We Bears jus sat abowt in the nuddy.

On Wenzday we went for long long walks in the woods. I'll tell yu mor abowt that tomorro. But enyway, we stoppt off for tea an carrot cayke! Mummy sed it waz the best carrot cayke she had ever taystid, but Daddy sed the wun she maykes is better. I think he is jus hopin she will mayke wun soon. She hassent yet an weev been bak for 4 days.

The larst day waz Therzday an we had a slow drive home. We stopt off at a pub calld The Royal Oak an Mummy sed it shuddent hav a nice English nayme like that, cos they dident serve tea. They did sell coffee or choklit, but she wontid tea. So she waz a bit mifft bowt that.

Meenwile.... hullo! Hoo is THIS, walkin into the pub???????

What the?? Is is HARRY? Is it STANLEY??? Hoo the??? C'mon guys, own up! Was it yu? Or do yu hav a cuzzin rownd theez parts????

Well..... I..... er.....

I did PLAN to trak him down an arsk, but I got a bit sidetrakt. The local ale waz luvvvvly....

Wayte.... there's anuther drop in there... I can see it! I can see it!

Ufff......... Mummmmmmmmmyyyyyyy........ let me get in yor bag for a nap...

HEHEHE!

Bye fer now!

Wat Did The Werms Do?

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no - but weer playin today, so bloo undeez on, peepol!
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no (do yu kno, they'v eech bin wivowt me this week! It's troo! That's at leest 2 mist opperchewnitys fer me to ride in the shoppin trolly. I sumtimes wunder if I am properly appryshyaytid rownd heer.)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 7 ish 10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Sorry fer the intermishun, evrybody. Mummy's bin doin Olympik Sleepin.

I've bin bizzy carfterin her, an tryin to cheer her up wen she diskuverd that Daddy had eeten all the choklit wen she wassent arownd, an not sayvd her eny, an not sed enything till she suggestid they both hav sum an share it. Then he had to come cleen. An she thort, well I mite as well jus go bak to bed then. An she did. An I've bin jumpin up an down by the compewter sayin "Press the button! Press the button! My public ar waytin for me!" but to no avayle. Yu jus carnt get the staff nowadays.

************

So enyway, on to wat I've bin mewsin abowt....

It all startid cos Mummy haz Radio 4 on in the mornin. An at a kworter to 8 evry mornin they do "Thort Fer The Day" wich is wen sumwun religuss coms on an sez, "Yu kno this bit on the news wen blah blah blah is hapnin? Well issent that a bit like wen Jesus/Budha/the proffit/Rabbi O0jamaflip sed such an such? An Mummy sez well, no, not reelly, not unless yor stretchin it a long long way cos yor gettin a fee. In fakt, she yewzerly terns it off cos it's too errly to get annoyd. But larst week I herd it.

Sumwun waz tolkin abowt the Garden ov Eeden an the snayke. I waz fassinaytid as I always knew that reptyles wer up to sumthing.

But my eers wer up-prikt at the menshun ov the snayke's punishment- to crawl on his belly.

Wat the?

How iz that a punishment to a snayke?

I can now imagin a gazelle bein in trubbol in The Garden of Eeden, an bein very nervoss abowt it an gettin a summons. Off he goze, all shakey an apologetic. An then God sez, "Becos yu've bin a norty gazelle, yor goin to me punisht- from now on yu will PRONK!"

"Oh! Oh!" sez the gazelle, unabol to beleev his luk, "Oh! Not pronk! Not pronk! Oh, OK. Yes, I do diserve it. I waz very norty so now I hav to pronk. Rite oh." an off he goze, thinkin, "Phew!"

I arskt Daddy bowt this, an he sed, well, maybe the snayke dident yewst to crawl. Maybe he yewst to hav legs.

Wha? But then that meens he waz a lizard! A lizard becayme a snayke? (Hav I jus diskuverd proof ov evolushun in the Byebol? That's gonna upset sum peepol.)

I rekkon on a diffrent explanayshun. I rekkon he yewst to walk abowt on his tayle. Yu kno, how dolfins do wen they tryin to impress yer. Heer's a wee ilustrayshun:

There. That solves it nicely. It also meens that they wud hav had a better vew in the long grarss.

But heer's another thing tho- if crawlin abowt on yer belly is a punishment, wat did the werms do rong?

Aha! So there yu see. Nex time yu see a werm in yer garden, an think it is jus a borin littol thing, or possibly eevn just a snak fer Dilly-types, think agen. It is reelly an arch criminal, sumwun hoo did sumthin very very norty indeed.

Bye fer now!