Vizitin Granny in hopsikol

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

Yesterday me and sum ov the Bears from Granny's howse went wiv Daddy to see the football, wile the green types went wiv Mummy bak to the hopsikol to see Granny.

The football was grayte- we won agenst Southend (full nayme, Southend Scum) 3 - 0 wa-hey!!!!

We took Zed as he haddent been befor. Onnistly Zed gets so hyper! He eevn thort goin throo the turn-stile was exsytin stuff an werthy of a kwik darnce!

Arfterwerds we met up wiv Mummy agen. We sat on the chair neer Granny's bed. We arskt if she wud like a Bear to stay wiv her in hopsikol; the laydy in the bed nex to her haz wun. So thare we wer; me, Blooberry Bear, Green Helen Bear and Zed, hoo yu mite remember is perpol. She had a reel good choyse ov cullers! But she just larft an sed no, it's ok.

I waz a littol bit releevd if I'm absolootly onnist (wich I tend to be, as I am an onnist Bear) thare is a strong smell ov sope up thare an a lot ov cleenin an stuff an I mite hav endid up havin to hav a barth an I get enuff ov bein naggd abowt that from Mummy!

Granny issent eetin very mutch. She arskt Mummy to sneek sum ov her supper owt so that her playte wud be empty, but Mummy sed no. I wud hav but she dident arsk me. I told her to hide it in her pajarma pokkits but she sed they dident hav eny. I waz goin to sergest pants next, but dident, cos I wassent shor if she wor eny wiv pajarmas. Now I wish I had arskt as it wud hav been intrestin to find owt. All in the nayme of pant resertch, yu understand.

Today we are taykin a littol cayke wiv us becos it is Mummy's berfday and Mummy is hopin Granny will eet sum ov it. But then if she duzzent that's just all the mor for us issent it so I don't kno wy they ar so worreed abowt it.

By for now!

The gerls ar pritty kwyert rownd heer.

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: YES!!! We wun, 4 - 0 agenst Rotherham (full nayme: Rottin Scum Utd.) Thank yu evrywun hoo wor lukky bloo pants!!!!
  
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: no- Daddy went wivowt me. Huh!
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Overall Score: 8ish/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Wa-heyyy!!!!!!!!! Well, as yu can see from the abuv, we wun at football on Saterday! Hurrayy!!! An it waz a BIG wun, too! 4 goals! That ment, 4 sellybraytory candy banarnanas wen we got home. (It yewst to be just wun for a win, but we carnt get the big narnas eny mor, jus littol wuns. So now I hav wun per goal if we win. Wa-hey!)

Arnty Jo an littol Hazel cayme up on Saterday, an, we don't kno wy, perhaps she waz tyerd, but Hazel dident say hardly a werd all day. Not eevn wen they ate all the choklit biskits. Or opend presents. Or went shoppin. Or had lunch owt. Mummy waz a bit worreed.

I bort Hazel a littol book wiv Bear Storys in it for her berfday, an she seemd to like it. But she left my speshol rappin-payper behind, wich waz a big poster wiv Bears on. I waz dispoyntid that she left it, but never mind. I can rap her Crismoss present up in it now. JHEE JHEE JHEE! CHEEKY BEAR!

Well not much else to report so far this week so I'm off. Oh! Mummy haz put a video ov that hedgehog on her blog if yu want to see it. An Dilly's not well. She haz a cold. Good greef! A dragon wiv a cold? Can yu imagin? I'm worreed. I meen, I kno she keeps sayin that she haz a SMALL noze on a long SNOWT, but just how far bak do thoze nostrils go? How long will the trayles ov snot be? An I'm tishoo ishooer? Oh boy. Wish me luk!

Bye fer now!

Well, it's not befor time!!!!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: we didn't play this game, we played "Bear! Not-a-Bear!" an Grayum, an ex pro at this, gayve lessons to Sam.
  
• Day Score: 7 ish, I gess/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, we had to hire a car. Utherwise Daddy wuddent get to werk next week. An we wuddent get to Football today! Wa-heyy!

So Daddy got strayte on the fone Therzday nite to find a car rite away. He had to get a cab over to whare it livd, then drive it bak. Well, by the time he got home in it, it waz gettin dark an I waz watchin The Simpsons, so I dident tayke much notiss, reelly.

But gess wat?????????? Oh my! Heheee!!!!! I had a proper look yesterday an an an oh! Yu won't beleev it, so I better show yu a foto-.......it's got my nayme on it! It haz!!! Hehehehe! We got a car wiv my nayme on it! Hahaha! Well, it's abowt time. Hahaha! An the GGZ cud be a Beary ggggggggzzzz noize or short for grizzly. Teehee! Daddy sed he haddent realized! D'oh! Hahaha!

I am a TAD worreed abowt bein in it, me bein a Spy an' all. But I serpoze I can rely on the Dubbol Bluff Tekneek. I meen, I can say, "Hoo me? Do yu reelly think that if I wer a spy I'd dryve arownd in a car wiv my nayme on it? Pah!"

Mind yu, it is blak an shiny, wich is kwite a spy like type ov car. I wunder if thare is a button to press to bring owt warter wings an raydars an stuff.

Daddy told me today that thare issent a level bit on the dashbord for me to sit an navvygayte. ME TO SIT AN NAVVYGAYTE???? Duzz he think I'm goin to get into a car wiv my nayme on it an WERK????

No. No, I mayde shor he knew that in THIS car, I'm a passenger an he is MY driver. He understood. He eevn arkst if he shud ware a hat. I don't think he waz bein sarky but I'm not shor.

Enyway. Off to football this arfternoon in it. Bloo pants on, peepol!!!! Wa-heyy!!!

Bye fer now!

Bearly Compensayshun

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, an weer runnin owt ov stuff- an yewsin the UHT cow joose in the tea agen. I don't kno. I shall hav to distrakt them nex time they parss that stuff in the shop. If they dident hav eny they wud hav to go shoppin fer cow joose. I meen, we can be owt ov food an nuthin happens, but not abol to hav cups ov tea? That's seeriuss.
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 6.39621/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well peeps, Gillingham lost it. Weev been relegaytid.

For thoze ov yu that don't follo football an don't kno wat that meens, let me explayne:

wun day yu ar playin in the park wiv the big boys, wiv proper goal posts an teams an a posh new ball wiv a pattern on it an oranges to eet at "half time". Then, nex day, yor not allowd to joyne in wiv them. Insted, yu hav to play wiv the smaller boys. Theez fellas don't hav proper goal posts, they roll their coats up in a ball an yewz them insted. An they hav to borro sumwun else's ball. An they always bring a dog. An at sum poynt, wun ov them will hav to go home for his tea, an so his team substitutes him wiv the dog, hoo scores the winnin goal an then runs off wiv the ball leevin yu to explayne to the big boys that yu don't kno whare it went. An then yor scared to tern up next week in cayse they're waytin for yu an want to arsk yu for their ball bak agen.

So thare. Now yu kno. That's wat bein relegaytid is like. An Gillingham has been.

Waah.

Me an the uther Bears hav been tryin to looz ourselves in Beary things an tryin not to think too hard abowt it. It's not eezy for a Bear not to think hard. Weer good thinkers, yu see. Wunce a thort is in a Bear Brayne it gets nerchured an tikkold an it enjoys bein in thare so much it starts to gro. So it's not eezy if yu don't want to think it.

Lukkily we fownd sumthing good on tv:

Bears on tv! Hurray!

We allso fownd a grayte story on Lynda's Blog, abowt this littol fello:

It's a grayte post. Do go an hav a look!

Bye fer now!

Wen Bears Ar Very Worreed or In a Deep Ponder

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes- they ar re-runnin the old wuns agen. But this is ok cos the old credits ar betta- yu see Lisa ride her bike over a bump an for 0.26136 ov a second yu can see her pants. Wa-heyy!
• Tesco: no. Mummy an Dilly went to Sainsburys but we Bears stayd at home. We hav standerds.
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 6.93846/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WOW I havent bloggd since Friday! That's a long time. Sorry bowt that. I've had a lot on my furry mind. Mostly Gillingham. Thank yu for all yor bloo-pant warin, an speshol thanks to Bumblevee, hoo offerd to ware hers for 2 days in a roe (wa-hey!) for extra bloo-pantissity. But unforchewnitly Gillingham let us down agen an dident win. Poo!

This meens that we ar reelly in daynger now ov bein relegaytid. We hav jus this Saterday to go. An it depends on wat uther teems win an looz an well, tern up, baysikly. Ohh......

I'm sorry to hav exposed yu to such worry an feel I ort to help. So heer yu ar. I shall share sumthing that I find helps wen I hav alot on my mind. It's calld the One Fut Behind An Eer Posishun.

It is very good for deep thinkin, worryin, an sortin owt confewsion.

Heer is a bigger Bear doin it.

As yu see, it issent jus sumthing we small Bears do. Big Bears in the wild do it too. In fact, they hav an even grayter need to, as their heds are bigger, and can therefore contayne bigger and hevier worries.

I've bloggd abowt this befor, but a long time ago! This foto is ov a Spirit Bear doing a ponder. He is probably ponderin about wat to do wiv that big stick. Will he hav a damn good scratch wiv it befor a game of Synchronized Sitting? Or should he sayve it to throw for any passing dogs that might want to play? Yu see, to yu it is just a stick, an yu might not even hav noticed it in the foto, but to a Bear, it is sumthing to ponder.

Enyway. There is lots to do deep thinkin abowt rownd heer. An this is wy I've been so bizzy.

Bye fer now!

Anuther new Bear!

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: YES- we played Port Vale, wich issent eevn a playse!!! An we lost 2 - 1 cos they're cheatin scum.
• Simpsons: nope
• Tesco: yes, fer petrol
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 5 (waz traynin new Bears, an let them win a few times.) /10
• Overall Score:7 ish /10
• Advent Calendar Pikcher: Saterday- laydy on a donkey an a man wiv a stik; Sunday- Man carryin cheez on his hed. Onnist, it waz.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, me, Daddy, Grayum an the new skwotter, Mulligan, dropt Mummy off at Granny's an then all went to football. We lost. An it ternd out to be Mummy's fawlt, as she dident ware her Lukky Bloo pants. She sad she had washt them the day befor an they wer still damp. Wat kind ov excewss is that? They wud soon hav got dry wiv the warmth of the buttok area. Wimen! Onnistly! Sumtimes I jus think they carnt think ov stuff.

Enyway....

Wen we got bak to Granny's we diskuverd that a new Bear had arrived thare! He is a small Grizzly, an got there in his very own tardis all the way from Alaska. He brort his own salmon wiv him, too:

His nayme is Sam J. West.

Grayum went to meet him:

"Hullo! I'm Grayum! How do yu do?"

Granny bort sum carrot cayke speshly for us:

Sam is on a mishon to discuver things. So far he has discuverd carrot cayke (an wat happens wen yu try to nik my bit), cats, cars, tunnels, an pants. I introdewst him to the latter myself.

He has discuverd camras, too, an he duzzent like them. He seems to get spookt by them:

Well. He has come home wiv us. Dilly is a tad mifft abowt this, as she sez 2 mor Bears iz 2 Bears 2 menny. Mind yu, she also sez that 2 is 2 menny 2, let alone 2 2 menny. Not that she reelly knows wat 2 is. An theez 2 dident eevn bring her eny bows.

But it's been kwite fun, now I'm over the shok ov their appeerants, to teech them abowt frolickin pants, an serprize nose-hugs, an "Bear! Not-a-Bear!", an sneekin up on Dilly, an all that sorta thing.

An I've been tellin them bowt things to avoyd, too, ov corse. Wich brings me to a kwestchun from Ms Creek an A.bananna, abowt wat a Vomit Sok is.

Well peeps, a vomit sok is baysickly wun ov Daddy's yewsd soks. Wun day, wen mummy waz eetin cheese (wich she luvs, but Daddy haytes an I ownly like wiv Marmite on toast) he sed, "I jus don't understand how enywun can eet sumthing that smells like my feet!" To wich Mummy replyd, "But yor feet don't smell ov cheese, darlin, they smell ov vomit."

Hence, "vomit socks". See also, "Guard Socks".

Bye fer now!

Guard Socks an George Clooney

Today's scores:

• Gills: yes
• Simpsons: mist it: rats!
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Day Score: 7.25493/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Daddy got home from werk an sed, "Hey! Bob! Getcha kit on! Gillingham ar playin tonite!" an I jus had time to hide the pants I haddent kwite finisht frolickin under the bed, get me bloo jumper on, eet a choklit Breakaway bar, an then we wer off. I dident hav time to get on heer an tell yu all that yu need to get yer bloo pants on!

We playd Doncaster (full nayme: Doncaster Donkey Poo) hoo ar so poor, they carnt afford goal posts: their players hav to roll up their coats an yews them insted, in two piles at the end ov the pitch. HAHAHAHA!

Enyway, it waz a not-a-looz. We got 1 goal an so did they. I think it waz jus so cold an dark that neither teem cud be botherd arfter that. Evrywun jus wantid a cuppa tea.

Natchrily me an Daddy hav been kwite consernd abowt leevin Mummy at home wiv Therzday's berfday presents skwirrold away in Daddy's study. Granny warnd us that she likes to sniff owt pressies an find out wat they ar befor the big day. So we had to adopt sum desprit security mezzurs: GUARD SOCKS.

The dor to Daddy's study, wiv Guard Socks in playse.

Ov corsse, men AN women wear socks, but it taykes a man to mayke a Guard Sock. Wat yu hav to do is wear them. That's abowt it, reelly. Then tayke them off an put them in playse in frunt ov wat yu want gardid.

Be warnd: they ownly werk on gerls. Boys ar immewn to the yewneek aroma ov the good Guard Sock. Gerls, on the other paw, hav been known to parss owt.

Daddy's a pro, an his socks hav a matchure vommitty smell. But if yor socks arnt as traynd, yu can thro them under the bed for a week or 2 or bury them at the bottom ov the washin barsket. Enywhare whare they can hav a good rot undisterbd.

We got bak from football abowt 15 minits ago. Not ownly did the socks werk in that the pressies ar untutchd, but Mummy iz cookin Chikn Curry. She sez she duzzent kno wy she suddenly fanseed Chikn Curry at 11.30 at nite, but yu an I kno: sertain fumes needid cuverin. Wa-heyy! A dubbol result!

Enyway. Yestaday, arfter my If They Weren't Human piktcher, sum ov yu arskt hoo I wud be if I wassent Bob The Bear. Well, folks, Calamity Jane spotted a serten resemblance a few months bak.......

Bye fer now!

Serprizes an syruptishusness

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes- me an Daddy went on our own. There wernt menny peepol there so we went scootin up an down the aisles on the trolley. Yeeeeeharrrr! Carnt play like that wen Mummy's there. She maykes him be a grown-up. Mummys do that.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: still serspendid /10
• Day Score: 8.15672/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Mummy's a bit down, an not in the cool get-down James Brown way (cooo- wat a grayte nayme fer a Bear that wud be!). So I gayve her self-ishooing privilidges over the tishooes. An I do beleev that gayve her a bit ov a boost. I don't giv that privilidge to jus enywun, arfter all.

Then me an Grayum mayde ourselfs into "Hedless Bears" fer Halloween an scared Dilly so much all her bows cayme undun. As yu can see from the foto, LBBBJ joyned in, but, as the jumpers wer all a bit big, he mayde exslent yuwss ov the new Pants Ov Peace insted. (I wish I'd thort ov that.)
HAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHA!

Enyway, Gillingham ar, for sum reeson, playin tonite. I thort they ownly did Saterdys or Tchewsdys. But maybe they ar all goin shoppin tomorro. Not shor. But if yu get to reed this in time, don't ferget to adjust the culler ov sumthing yor warin to bloo. Prefrerbly pants.

If yor in an offiss, that mite be differcult. For fewtcher refrence, I've come up wiv a plan fer jus this sort ov emergensy:

1. Keep sum spare bloo pants in yor desk dror.
2. In the event ov an emergensy chanyge-pants-to-bloo sitchewayshun (such as now), tern the briteness down on yor compewter screen.
3. Retreev pants.
4. Call to colleegs, "Won't be a mo', just goin under heer to sort my compewter owt!"
5. Crawl under desk.
6. Change pants.
7. Reappeer an adjust briteness bak up agen.
8. Say, "Oh, that's it! I fixt it!"

And voila (as Plumpiemousie wud say) yu hav syruptishusly chaynged into Gillingham-serporter-pants-mode in publik, wivowt feer of arrest, envy or unempolyment. TA-DARR!

Bye fer now!

Mummy thermomeeters

Today's scores:

• Gills:yes- we got a not-a-loos
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes, breefly (wich has nothin to do wiv breefs, unfortewnitly)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: serspendid dew to bizarre amownts ov snottiness rownd heer /10
• Day Score: 7.412/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Weer awl startin to feel better, altho weer awl still rarther snotty. Ssshhfff.

But still I dident go to football wiv Daddy cos Mummy sed it waz too cold an windy outside. I meen, it wassent HER hoo waz goin, waz it? It waz me. But she went owt in the garden to see how cold she felt, then cayme in an sed, "No, it's too cold fer yu, Bob."

Mummys do this. Like, in winter, if they're cold, they mayke YU put a scarf on. Or a hat. Or a coate. If sheez reelly cold she'll mayke yu put the lot on. Jumpers, scarfs, coates, hats an gluves ar awl things yu put on wen yor mummy iz cold.

So enyway. I sat wiv Grayum an Mummy indors, sippin ginger ale an munching hunny on toaste, watchin the scores on telly wile Daddy went to the gayme.

Gillingham wer playin Leeds, an we wer loozin wiv ownly 15 minits to go wen I suddenly thort I better chek on the loyalty stakes rownd heer- I said to Mummy, "YU HAV GOT YOR BLOO PANTS ON, HAVENT YU??" an she ternd perpol. Wich mite hav been becos she waz coffin an shootin ginger ale owt ov her nose, but I think it waz gilt, coz soon as she cood breav agen she ran upstairs an put them on. Shortly arfter this we scored, maykin it 1 - 1, a not-a-loos, an proof wunce mor ov the power ov loyalty-pants.

-Partikularly as Leeds had 2 men sent off, wich gayve them a compleetly unfare advarntidge, as it mayde them all play extra hard like 1 and a 1/2 men each, wich means they wer reelly 13 1/2 men agenst our 11.

1-1, meenin wun banarnana an wun choklit peanut

Bye fer now!

Phytheas on film

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: not shor
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: carnt remember/10
• Day Score: huh? /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Hehehe. I shared a wee bit ov beer larst nite wiv me' Daddy. Hehehe! I woke up 'smornin lyin in the wash barsket, coverd in pants! HEHEHE! My hed felt a bit funny. But that waz probly coz evrywun waz bein so LOWD.

Enyway. As promist, heer iz anuther Bear On Film! This is a fello Bear Blogger, Phytheas. He haz jus sellybraytid his 50th post, so he did a sum-up ov his advenchers so far:

If yu carnt see it ther, try heer.

Yu kno, Phyth iz a Very Smoll Bear an gets into lots ov playsis unseen. I bet heed mayke an eggslent Spy.

I'm off to Granny's tomorro an I'll be bak Sunday. Gillingham ar playin, so don't ferget to ware yor bloo things, espeshly smoll bloo things, if yu get my meenin. (If yu don't, I meen pants.)

AND I'll be abol to bring Grayum home at larst!!!! Heez been at Granny's fer 3 weeks now!!!

Bye fer now!

Grayum sayves the day

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: yes - we won!!! 1 - 0 to Brighton (full nayme: Bry-ton-ov-poo-town)
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes! Fer noospayper an cow-jooss
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10! /10
• Day Score: wa-heyyy! 8.56312/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

We won! Wa-heyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! So thank yu to all members ov the Don't Mok The Bear Club fer warin yor bloo stuff yestaday. It werkt!

Wa-heyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All waz not totally grayte, tho, as we dident get to the gayme. AND we dident get to Granny's, wich means Grayum is stayin thare fer ANOTHER week.

Enyway. This is wat happend:

Me an Daddy left Colchester 2 hours befor the match in Gillingham, so we shud hav got thare wiv lots ov time to park the car an get sum tea an a pie. But alas, all waz not grayte on the motorway.

To get from this cownty (Essex) to Granny's cownty (Kent) yu hav to cross this big bridge:

but we cuddent cross the bridge cos thare waz too much traffik. Yu hav to pay £1 to go over the bridge, an sum ov the masheens that yu pay wernt werkin. So evrywun kewd behind the wuns that were, but that wassent menny. So thare waz a big traffic jam. An we wer neer the bak ov it.

Daddy startid yewsin lots ov new werds wile we sat waytin. Heer ar sum ov them:

"****"
"******* ****"
"******* ****"
"****** ****"
"*** **"
"****** *** **"
"******* ******* *** **"
"*** *******"
"*** ******* *** ** * *****"
"*** ******* ****"
"*** ******* ******* ****"
"******* ******* **** **** ****"
"******* ***"

it hert my eers!

Just as well Mummy wassent in the car. She had stayd behind becos she had tummy ayche. I had grayte simpothy wiv her as I had bad eer ayche arfter a wile.

Soon it waz ovious that we wernt goin to get to the match so we lissend on the radio to keep trak ov the scor. It waz 0 - 0 fer aiges.

So I rang Grayum up at Granny's howse an sed,

"GRAYUM! Yoov got to get on a trayne an get to the match! Yu hav to tutch the ball!" cos larst time we wun I waz shor it waz cos I had tutcht the ball an parst on all the luk from yu lot wearin yor best bloo pants.

Lukily Grayum iz good at bein a stoaway an got the next bus, in Granny's bag. He jus got the trayne in time, an then rode cars all the way from the stayshun to the football match, ware he was small enuff to slip in under the gayte wivowt payin (wa-heyyy!) he got thare neer the end -I thort we wer dun for, but then wiv jus 7 minits to go, he ran owt an rubbd his nose on the ball, showtid "Not-a-bear!" an hid behind the goal -an then we scord!!!!!! An evrywun cheerd!!! An Grayum thort they wer all cheerin fer him, so he did a lap ov onnor. Unfortewnitly he ownly haz littol legs, so he haddent kwite finisht it befor the end ov the gayme.

Pity we never mayde it to Granny's. We had to tern bak an come home agen in the end. But Grayum rang in the eevnin to say heed got bak to Granny's all rite. Then, to sellybrate, we ate the carrot cayke that we had been goin to giv to Granny. Arfter all, it wud be parst its best by the time we get thare next weekend. Ha! Meenwile Grayum had sum choklit biskits that Granny had got in fer us, so it all werkt owt ok in the end.

Bye fer now!

We lost!!!

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes but I bet they wish they haddent botherd
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too fed up an alone an no-wun to play wiv much, reelly, so I jus sort ov huggd my foot most the time, wich duzzent reelly get a suprizisity scor, cos it's my own foot, so it knows wen I'm comin. /10
• Overall Score: oh, bum in a jockstrap, I dunno /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WE LOST!!!

OK, paws up hoo dident ware bloo on Saterday???? Eh?

I suppose it's my folt. I shud hav told yu all that the gayme startid erly, at 1 o clok.

Well akchewally, no, cos it startid erly cos England waz playing a game layter in the arfternoon, so they thort, "If we play at the sayme time, no wun will come an watch, cos England ar playin on telly, an evrywun will be watching them." So reelly, it's England's folt. THEY mayde us play erlier an so peepol dident get their bloo things on in time.

Anyway. We lost 3 - 0 to Southend (full nayme: Saaf-end-ov-the-werld Utd).

An do yu kno wat happend next? (Other than my 3 choklit peanuts to compansayte?) THE MANIDGER OV OUR TEAM RESiGNED.

Ohhhh............... sumtimes it's very painful to be loyal. I blayme Daddy, reelly. HE got me into serpportin Gillingham. If my Daddy had serpported sum big team like Manchester Utd (full nayme: Man, weer so scum it's offishal, chester Utd), I'd hav had a few mor wins. Hhhhhhhh......

ENYWAY! Onwood an upwood! (we Bears ar good at all woods.) I hav compozd a letter to the chairman to offer my servisses as new manidger. As weev lost 5 ov our ferst 6 gaymes this seeson, I carnt do werse than the larst wun. So heer goze:

I think I may be in wiv a shot. Arfter all, it waz me tutchin the ball wiv my paw that mayde us win larst week!

Wish me luk!

Bye fer now!

Spys in the wood sayve the day

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes. Lost 3-1 to Luton (full nayme: Lu-ton-of-poo Town)
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: no - gets werse, don't it?
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Weekend Score: 6.532/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, dispyte wat it sez at the top thare, (HA! Cort yu owt, yu peepol hoo skip that bit! HA!) do not be too down, oh ye loyal members ov the Don't Mok The Bear Club, as we did mayke Gillingham get thare very ferst goal ov the seezon.

It's ownly been a month, an they're jus warmin up. An enyway, wun ov those goals the other lot got waz a penalty, an we all kno the rool abowt penaltys- even if yu don't kno wat they ar, yu can be shor ov this rool- if YU get wun, it waz compleetly diservd, an if THEY get wun, they wer cheetin scum an the referee iz defnitly on thare payrole. So it's 2-1 reelly, not 3.

I hope yu rememberd to console yorselvs wiv the appropryet number ov choklit peanuts. I also spottid sumthing on TV Saterday eevnin that cheerd me up a lot an tuk my furry mind off such taxin conserns.

It waz on wun ov the Digital Channels. Mummy spottid it in the TV gide. Mummy wotchis alot ov stuff on Digital. If yu ever want to kno enything abowt sharks or Nazis, sheez ya gal.

Heer iz the programme we enjoyd, nay, videod, on Saterday:



"BEAR- SPY IN THE WOODS" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!

I waz a TAD consernd that it waz goin to blow the cover ov a lot ov Bears, reveelin wich wuns wer spys an all. But it wazent. It waz a spy in the woods spyin on the Bears. HA! So we had lots ov film wiv Bears in. Now, that's wat I call grayte telly. Don't worry, the Bears knew they wer thare. I cud tell. They jus agrred wiv me, that the BBC issent wat it yewst to be, an needid sum improovment. I heer they got payd kwite well owt ov it. Two ov them retyred to the Cairngorms from whare thay hope to re-introdews the speesheez to Scottyland.

Enyway, we had to video it cos Dilly startid growlin at the prospekt ov missin CSI on the other side. It's a bit unnervin wen she starts makin her growlin noyze. Speshally as, wiv her eyebolls bein like they ar, yor never kwite shor wat sheez lookin at, so if the growl akchewally terns into sumthin, yu don't kno if it's comin yor way.

I don't kno WAT it mite tern into, weev never let it go that far. But watever CUD be on the end ov (1) Dilly not seein CSI an (2) her growlin noyze, wuddent be too nice. It wuddent be enything to do wiv cayke, fer exampol. So best just not go thare.

All in all I had the larst larff coz I can now wotch the Bear programme agen an agen an agen, an wen Dilly goze an complaynes to our Parronts they say, "Well how menny tymes has Bob wotcht it?" to wich Dilly* sez "2" and so they agree wiv me that this is not yet exsessiv enuff to switch off. HAHAHA. Tayke that, yer CSI-sest-reptyle!

Bye fer now!

*fer mor on this, get filld in on Dilly's way ov cowntin, if yu don't kno it alreddy, or can tayke it wun mor time.

Oh deer.

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: yes, an dispite the new Don't Mok The Bear Club's heroik efferts, we lost: 2 - nil to Tranmere Rovers (full nayme Tranmere Rover Dog-Breath Cheatin Scum)
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: no- an Mummy went withowt me. Huh!
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7 (just abowt)/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well I don't kno how to brake it to yu all, but Gills lost, eevn dispite evrywun's pledged bloo-wearin efferts. As Ruth sez, maybe we need mor bloo pant-wearin. The bloo jumpers, sox an sherts help as a bonus faktor, I'm shor, but I think bloo pants mite be a basik nessessity. It's like, 5 bloo sherts = 1 bloo pant. Or maybe mor. Eevn. Never mind. Maybe it's just a delayd reakshun, an the troo effekt will kik in next week! YES! That'll be it! Don't giv it up yet, peeps! Don yor bloos next Saterday agen, an I bet weel win.

Now, I hav to lov yu an leev yu as I am bizzy doin a new video. Thanks to my new chair, I am direktin this wun as well:

It is a simpol plot, an sellybrates Authorblog listin my blog at number one(!!!!!) whylst explorin sum ov my intrests in life. I hope to be abol to releese it erly in the week.

Bye fer now!

Oodels ov serpport!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, short vizit, mostly fer veggies, but I still got a ride in the trolley
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: LBBBJ thinks he got me, but I waz ownly hewmerrin him. so reelly it's a 9.5. But if he arsks, say 8. /10
• Day Score: 7.3296/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WOW! Thank yu evrywun hoo haz alreddy pledged their serpport fer Gillingham by signin up to my "Don't Mok The Bear" club. Remember, this starts this weekend: ware sumthin bloo on Saterday! The gayme starts at 3pm UK time an shud be dun by 4.50. Ther's a 15 minit brake arfter 45 minits. I thort I'd tell yu the times in cayse yu dident kno much bowt footboll, an wantid to put bloo pants on yor hed for the dewrayshun, or sumthin like that. Then, if ther waz a nok at the dor, providid it waz dewring the brake, it wuddent matter if yu had to remoov them temporarilly. Jus thort I'd let yu kno. I wuddent want yu to be inconveeniensed or enythin. Or to worry bowt dor-arnserin responsibilitys.

Just a few kweeries to arnser now:

Lynda (Granny K): thank cu fer puttin yor bloo undies in the wash in rediness fer Saterday. Fer fewtcher refrence, an in cayse yu carnt get to do the washin, unwasht wuns wud werk just as well. An remember, "Derty pants, cleen bottom."

Phytheas: bloo trowsers wud werk very well. In fakt, if yu hav no pants underneeth them, yu cud just pretend they wer very long pants, enyway.

Chalky: a bloo swetter wud be grayte. Grayum offen nicks mine to show serpport.

David: I've ownly seen Ozzie Rools footboll wunce, an it's weerd. They grab the ball like in rugby, but don't pile in on top ov wun another as much. An just as well, as they wear very very tiny pants. Yu mite think they're shorts, but no shorts ar that short. It wud never be allowd in the Northern Hemisfeer, I can tell yu.

Pope Terry: thank yu fer tryin. I hope yu manage to find sum bloo pants. If not, how bowt bloo sox?

Shrinky: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahaHAAA! Yu reveeld that yu reveeld all in my Ankles Or Knees? survey! It's too layte to be coy now! (But never too layte to take up pant wearin agen...)

I'm not serprised that yor men folk serpport Manchester (pawses to spit) Utd, as yu don't liv enywhere neer Manchester, an this is in that teem's finest tradishun, that no fan shall liv in the sayme cownty as Manchester, or eevn Country, in most cayses. Ha. Pleez do find a bloo sumthin. I carnt promiss a choklit biccie, but the choklit peanuts ar plentiful.

Ms Creek: Mummy issent a sport fan either, but she likes to liv wiv a happy Bear. Hence her new bloo pants. Thank yu fer pledgin to wear yors if the wether issent too hot. Tho I'm intreegd: wat cullor do yu wear wen it IS too hot?

Rachelle: ah yes, a bloo shert will be grayte. But yu hav no bloo pants at all? Yu must mayke a note ov this deprivayshun, an report it to Farther Crissmoss this yeer. Put a sticky note on the fridge dor. That's ware I write things wen I hav to remember to remember them. An then sumwun else mite reed it, an think, "Oh deer, poor Rachelle duzzent hav eny bloo pants! How awful! I must buy her sum!" an then yu'll get sum that way, too. An befor yu kno it, yu'll hav enuff pairs fer a dam good frolic.

Chewy: Horrayyy!!!! An congratulayshuns on havin lots ov diffrent cullerd pants! I wud expekt no less from a grayte artist like yorself. Thank yu fer pladgin yor bloo wuns!

Mousie: ahhh, my littol redenty frend, if a pair ov yor so-small-smalls wer espeshally dyed fer the occayzshun, wat enharnsement that occayzshun wud enjoy. I hope. I wonder if I cud get a few pairs on the mice that liv under the kitchen too. Thank yu for yor serpport.

and finally, Ruth: thank yu fer yor serpport! An I never knew yu wer from Kent. Mummy comes from a Kenty playse calld Walderslade. It yewst to be woody, but now it's mostly houses. Poor Walderslaydian Bears. I jus hope they hav gardens, or a good indoor plarnt. Peepol don't seem to realize that those pekuliar screwd up expresshuns yu see on lots ov Older Bears ar corzd mostly by the remooval ov adekwayte toylet fasillytees in their mid-teens. Yu carnt jus go rownd bildin on woodland willy-nilly.

RITE!!!

I'll report bak an let yu kno wat the scor is at the end ov the gayme. An did I menshun the compensayshun/sellybrayshun proseedures? NO???????? WELL! If we win, yu get a sellybraytory banarnana. If we looz, yu get wun choklit peanut fer evry goal the cheatin scum stole off us. An if it's a dror, yu get WUN choklit peanut AND a banarnana. Wa-heyyy!!!!!!

Bye fer now!

Pleez Sign Up an Pledge Yor Serpport!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 7/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Gillingham, my football teem, hav so far playd 2 gaymes this seezon, an lost both. This is a worryin trend. Eevn in my lukky kit. I carnt understand wy it has happend. Other than that they playd cheetin scummy teems, ov corse. Wich they did. But it still meens they lost. An this is worryin fer a small Bear hoo goze arownd in their cullers.

I meen. The town I liv in, Colchester, has a teem too. It's calld "Colchester". An they did reelly well larst yeer. An the yeer befor. An sumtimes, wen I'm out in town, I see Bears in Colchester lukky kits an they poynt at me an larf.

A Bear ov my kaliber shud not be mokt in this way. This is just the sort ov treetment wiv up I shud not put.

I'm shor yu wud agree. In fakt, if yu DO agree, pleez sign up an pledge yor support in my new "Don't Mok The Bear" club.

All yu do is sign up in the comments arfter this post, an then wear sumthing bloo on Saterdays to serpport Gillingham. They also play on Chewsdays sumtimes, but I'll let yu kno wen. Mostly it will jus be Saterdays.

Daddy's pants ar not ownly hewge, but speshelly mayde wiv "Gillingham FC" engrayvin. As yu can see, they hav servd faythfully fer a few seezons now.

Yu can chooz eny peece ov clothin, altho ov corse, the smaller the item, the better. In fakt, it has been sientifikly proovd that bloo pants ar the most effektiv peece ov clothin ov all. But it's up to yu. Yu mite be like Shrinky, an hav forgon the wearin of pants menny yeers ago (sigh). In this cayse sox or a shert wud do. Or eevn a bloo peece ov jewlry, if yor reelly gerly.

Mummy has been refewsin to wear her bloo pants laytely on the grownds that they dident fit her bum eny mor. Well, as I told her, loyalty comes at a price, an sumtimes that price is painful, an enyway it servs her rite fer nikkin so menny ov my choklit peanuts. Ha. But this mornin she went an bort sum sooper dooper new wuns. Heer's me braykin them in wiv a good frolic:

No mor excewsis now fer Mummy: theez ar a bit gerly, but they'll do. So long as they're bloo an speshelly allocaytid, that's wat cownts.

I hope lots ov yu will pledge yor serpport. The Gills need our help. "Don't Mok The Bear!" an get yor bloo smalls reddy today!

Bye fre now!

Investigaytin The Bear

Phaseoutgirl Interviews Bob

Do yu kno, Mummy rote bak to PhaseOutGirl an sed that her kwestchons mite be a bit hard fer a yung Bear to arnser. Wat a cheek!!!!! She had them "on hold" in MS Werd, but I sneakt in an got 'em. Ha! I'll show her! Heer goze....

1. Your blog gives the impression that you are an animal lover. Why did you choose the persona of a small bear and not another animal? Any particular significance?

Oh yes, I am indeed an animol luver. I think weer grayte. Far less complicaytid than hewmans. An nicer too, most ov us. Not shor abowt croco-dragons. But most ov us ar.

An yes, havin the personality of a Bear has very particular significants, as I am a Bear. An a particular Bear, at that.

2. I also noticed that you call yourself "agony uncle" and write in "bear language". Can you explain the agony uncle bit, and how it is to write in a different language. Aren't you worried that people won't understand what they are reading?

Ah well, wen I startid bloggin I arnserd letters from Yunger Bears hoo needid advice but dident hav an Older Bear to luk up to. Yu can see sum ov these on my list of "Informativ Exampols-Ov-Bob Posts" on the rite hand side of my blog.

Bears (an Not-A-Bears) ar still always welcom to rite in wiv their problems for me to help solve.

I'm akchewally tri-ligual cos as well as Bear English an Brit-English, I do Spanish too, cos I yewst to liv in Ekwadoor wiv my Daddy. I prefer to blog in my ferst languidge to mayke it easier fer other Bears to reed. Ther arnt menny Blogs owt ther in our languidge, yu kno.

A few peepol hav sed that they carnt reed it. Sumtimes I get narsty messidges sayin I carnt spell. So I rite bak an say, "Well yu carnt reed Bear English, but I don't get narsty abowt it!"

3. Stepping out of the bear character, what does Bob really do and what is he most interested in?

I'm a Bear ov cheeky character, I admit, but ther is a seriuss side to me. I'm a trayned Secrit Agent an cud "phwah!" yu wiv a cunnin karate chop.

Tayken at my Graduayshun from Spy Collidge. On the left is my cuzzin, Henri. We keep in tutch. In fact, he's stayin wiv us at the moment. That's me, on the rite. Our "FIFA" badges stand fer "Federayshun of Internashnol Furry Agents".

As fer my intrests, well, pants, oviussly, then The Simpsons, going shopping, collektin shiney pennys, monitorin rools, navigaytin, marigolding, and sport. I like footboll an I go to watch it wiv Daddy. An Bear sports, like Synchronized Sitting. I also enjoy modern art an will be lornchin a gallery soon.

4. You are given a million pounds to spend on anything, except for yourself and your immediate family. What would you do and why?

WOW thanks!

I wud giv it all to animol charitys, like WSPA, hoo do lots of grayte things to rescew Bears in distress. An The Great Bear Foundayshun too. Ther ar links to them, an other animol charitys on my blog.

Why? Well, sum hewmans hert animols. I don't like that. It also maykes my Mummy cry. I don't like that either. Sumtimes the animols ar hert so much that ther arnt menny ov them left in the wild. I think that nice hewmans shud help us an mayke up fer wat the narsty wuns do. An if they don't, I will. That's wy I'd yews the munny to help.

5. A stranger knocks at your door and tells you that he is a long lost relative, and found your name in letters of his grandparents. He needs shelter since he has had a string of bad luck, is asking for help. He is travelling with his wife and a sick three year old son in their car, and they look really desperate. To top it all, his resemblance to one of your siblings is uncanny. How would you deal with this situation?

Ferst I'd invite them in an get them cups of tea an lots of toast an hunny. Then I'd go an get my Emergensy Hug Pants, cos I mite be a bit scared, akchewally.

I'd arsk Daddy to drive the littol boy up the rode to the hopsikol to mayke him betta. (I wuddent go wiv them, in cayse the boy was sik on me. That stuff mite stik to my fer.) An if the man did look enything like MY sister, I think he wud want to see the docter, too.

Dilly. My sister, & ownly siblin. Yu seriuss?

Then I'd go an get Mummy, an check her Famly Tree. She resercht her Famly Tree larst year an got bak to 1680. I was very prowd cos she fownd out that sum ov her ansesstors wer -wait fer it!- BREECHES MAKERS!!!! WA-HEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I digress......

Wunce the boy was bein lookt arfter, we'd show the visitors the Family Tree an ask wher they think they fit in. (Bein a spy, they mite not be tellin the trooth, they mite jus be on to me.) If they had nowher to go, we'd let them stay the nite an then call my Arnty an Unkols abowt it. Maybe we cud all meet up at the weekend fer a famly picnic, an get to the bottom ov it all.

But I'd hav to arsk my Daddy, reelly.

Thank cu fer the interview, Cecilia!

IF ENY OV YU WUD LYKE ME TO INTERVEW YU, PLEEZE SAY SO ARFTER THIS POST! Ah, go on!

Now, I've got to put this bit at the end. It issent in Bear English, this bit, so eny Bears out ther, I hope yu hav a translaytor handy if yu need wun...

Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.