Been carftering....

HULLO BEARS AN NOT-A-BEARS!

I have bin very bizzy an this is wy- yu see, sumthing very sad happend- Mr Scooter left us to go to Cat Heven. Mummy sez he is at a playce calld Raynbow Bridge now wiv his sisters an lots ov uther animals hooz bodies dident werk eny mor. 

I wonder if he has met Miss Peach yet. He was very shy but I'm shor he will get over that now cos theyer ar no nasty peepol thare, an wen I arskt abowt the dogs, Mummy sed theyer all vegetarian wen they get up thayer, so no worries on that score. He'll be disappoyntid if he has to be a veggie tho, as he was a good mowser. Perhaps they will just all play nicely. I meen it wud be tuff on the mice if they get thare, go "Phew!" an then get loads of re-serviced moggies dissending on them.

ENYWAY so I hav had lots ov tishoo ishooing to do. I eevn mist Pirate Day, but that's ok, as it wuddent hav bin the sayme wivowt a ship's cat.

Today we went to a garden senter to get sum flowers to cover his old poo patch(!). Gess wat they wer selling?????? -Bags of horse poo!!!!!  Daddy explayned that sum peepol like to put it on theyer roses (?????) but wat I want to noe is HOW do they get the horses to poo in the bags????? I arskt Tango, Beanie's frend (we text eech uther, yu noe) an he sed he duzzent noe ither, but it wud be a grayte new Olympik Ekwestrian sport. I think heez on to sumthing!! Much more fun than all that prancing abowt.

In the end we dident get very much cos it was rayning hard, but we got sum winter pansies that shud last till March, an we just hope that Scooter issent offended by the werd 'pansy'. I was careful to steer Mummy away from the pink wuns. I felt I owed him that much. I meen, yu don't expect to put in all those yeers of pooing just for yor territory to go all pink, do yu?

(THANK YU for all the message last time, BTW, an all yor admiring glances. I new yu'd like that, yu cheeky beggars. HAHAHAHAHA!)

TTFN

Bob T Bear (esq)

Tishoo ishooing dewty, an hogs at the dor!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: No
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, an Mummy went to Sainsbury's. Pah.
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 8 /10
• Overall Score: 7.265/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

Sorry for my absence. I hav been on allmost 24 hour tishoo-ishooing dewty.

Daddy brings home all the bugs from the kids at skool an this is A LOT. It has been suggestid to me that kids ar just germ factrys in straynge cullerd trainers. Anyway. He brort wun home a few weeks ago an Dilly tryd to help by maykin him drink tea mayde from flowers (jazzmin??). Her uver helpful effort seemd to consist ov just donnin her nersey hat. I think she thinks that "the hat becometh the nerse" or sumthing.

Yeah, I'm not shor the scary swamp-monster type crocodragon mug helps pertikewlarly, iver, Dilly.

Wen she wassent abowt, I got Daddy sum PROPER tea, yu kno, the brown stuff wiv caffeen in it that yu can dunk yer choklit biskits in. Wunce he had this he started to get better. But then Mummy got the bug.

Now, I offen reed that wen Daddys get colds they get them werse then enywun, but I tell yu IT JUS AINT TROO! Wen Mummy gets the cold it haz the addid effect ov attakin not just her breathin apperatus, but also her tummy an that meens, yes yu kno wat I'm goin to say folks, POO!!!

An lots ov it!!! HAHA! An in all sorts ov cullers, too. Por Mummy. Her throate was sor but her bottom waz sorer.

She is neerly all better now. SO I hope I will hav time to get bak to bloggin proply, an visitin yu all.

*** *** *** *** *** ***
It's gettin dark erly heer, an we ar havin to put owt food for the hedgehogs erlier an erlier eech nite becos they start to arrive for theyer dinner at dusk. They ar coming rownd the frunt ov our howse now as well as the bak, so we put owt a playte for them at eech doorstep. Sum nites they ar both playses at wunce an we sit indors in the middol like bein in a hog sandwich.

They will start to hibernayte nex munth so we hav to try to fatten them up an help them gro big. Heer is a littol wun Mummy reskewd larst winter. It had been too small to hibernayte so we took it in an gayve it to a reskew sentor to carfter throo the winter in a heeted pen:Hedgehogs ar cewt but they ar wun ov thoze animals that get smellier the longer yu hold them. Rabbits ar like this too, an hamsters, an ginnypigs.

Now I'm goin to go an hav sum tea an a choklit Hobnob. I mite drop sum aksidently on perposs, cos we hav a mowse livin in the howse agen, an I kno he likes them.

Bye fer now!!

Sheez snotty agen!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, chiken soop for Mummy
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy /10
• Day Score: 6.83621/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I havent fergotten abowt the fotoes I promist but I hav bee bizzy carfterin Mummy agen as she is all snotty agen an haz a infekshun in her chest wich is maykin her coff up horrobol green stuff, an this shud jus proov to Dilly that green is a narsty thing.

She went to the nerse wen it was just a bad throat, an the nerse sed "It's jus hay feever, go home!" so she cayme home an now she issent well. Dilly sez the nerse knew nuthin, an that this is oviuss cos she dident ware a nerse's hat. She sez that REEL nerses allways ware a hat.

Mummy sez she feels like she haz been hit by a truk! I've been run over befor, as yu kno, an wen it happend my bum berst an lots ov my beads spilld owt onto the road. I had to go abowt wiv sayfety pins in my bot till they fownd sum uther beads for a transplant for me. The pins wer well itchy.

Well, I had a look but her bottom, I hav to say, duzzent look eny smaller than it did a week ago, an I carnt see eny pins, so I don't think she haz reelly been hit by a truk at all.

I hav given her self-ishooing priviledges over the tishoo box as, kwite frankly, I carnt keep up wiv her demarnds. Meenwile Grayum seems to hav come down wiv the bug, so we hav seperaytid him from the uther Bears. Mummy Windowsill Bear is carftering him. I think he is jus playin on it, to be onnist. But don't tell him I sed that.

I hope the green stuff goze away soon then Mummy can help me load up all my intrestin fotoes. I hav a nice wun ov a pig's bottom that I wantid to sho yu. He haz a reelly curly tayle an is kwite hairy.

Bye fer now!

Weer bak!!!

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVRYWUN!!!!!!!!

Weer bak! Horrayyyyy!!!!!!!!!

We got bak layte layte layte Therzdy nite. In fakt I think it waz mostly erly Fryday mornin. Enyway! Do yu kno, we wer in Ireland for 12 days AN IT DID NOT RAYNE!!!!!!! Arrr, tiz a mirrycoil, to be shor to be shor, eye.

Wen we got home we had a pile ov Crismoss cards to open an most ov them wer addresst to me an Dilly wich I waz very glad abowt as it meens Mummy an Daddy start to realize hooz important rownd heer. So, thanks very much, evrywun hoo sent us sum!

Daddy haz been a bit coffy for a long time an since we got home he now haz a full-blown cold, coff coff shiverry snotty, the lot. An now Mummy haz it too. She waz OK yestaday, an went into town for food an cold medsin. Then she got home an mayde sooper soop, wiv chiken an veggies an fennel an ginger an stuff. It sownds odd but waz yum. But I don't think it did her eny good, coz now SHE haz the cold bug too.

So, I am on rownd-the-clok tishoo-ishooin dewtees heer, an cud be kwite bizzy for a wile. I'm goin to sort owt all me fotoes as soon as I get a charnce an show yu lots ov good stuff, like the Crismoss puddin we had at Arnty Anna's, wich we set alite. Oh! An like the grayte truk I got for Crismoss!!!!

Meenwile, hope yu all had a good Crismoss an New Year! I'm off to see yor comments now...... sorry I dident get a charnce to blog from Ireland! I waz mostly up mowntens!!

Bye fer now!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Overall Scores for Larst Year:

• Gills: sor most ov the home matches, an wunce my blogger frends startid wearin bloo stuff on match days, we startid to do better. Speshly pants, I yet agen stress- wearin bloo pants on match days reelly duzz help, so if yu dident get eny fer Crismoss, get owt in those Janury Sales soon as pos an stok up on em.
• Simpsons: sor lots ov them, but we don't get Sky, so I dident see the new wuns. But I don't care. The oldest wunds ar akchewly betta, cos in the start credits yu see Lisa ride her bike over a bump in the road an for 0.136598 ov a second yu see her pants. It mite not seem much, but beleev me, it's werth it. I'm gettin kwite nifty on that paws button....
• Tesco: Daddy haz a loyalty card for Tesco but continews to occayshunly ferget wat loyalty meens an so I sumtimes catch him shoppin sumware else. Mummy duzzent hav a card at all an I'm not lettin her ride the trolley till she gets wun.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: I think yu will agree I remayne the Champyun in this sport ahem/10
• Averridge Day Score: 8.197321746537973174876100000000001/10

HAPPY NEW YEAR NOT-A-BEARS!

Heer's me, sellybraytin New Year by Big Ben just arfter midnite, wiv lots ov firewerks, in among the crowds ov thowsands.....

Oh, allrite then, it's me in frunt ov the telly! HEHEHEE!

We dident go owt for New Yeer. In fakt, for the sayme reeson for me bein a bit absent rownd heer- Mummy has had a bad bug, wun that so menny peepol hav had it's been on the news. She has been sik an pooey an sed she felt like she had been run over by a horse. A BIG horse, she stresst, like bein run over by a littol wun wood jus be a bit itchy. So me an Dilly hav been carfterin her. I eevn gayve her self-ishooin rites over the tishooes. I'm a very helpful Bear. She is feelin better today but is worreed the rest ov us will catch it. Hope not.

The man on the telly sed weed get snow today, an I waz lookin forwerd to maykin a SnowBear, wat wiv Mummy bein vertikol agen. But we dident get a singol flake ov snow. I rekkon Mrs Nesbitt, up north, got it all. If so, pleez send sum down heer!

I hav to say "Happy Berfday" to my arnty Christina in Ostraylia cos it's her berpday today. Well, yesterday in Ostraylia. Well, 4th Janry. Wich is today. Well it's today heer. Over there it's yesterday allreddy. So I misst it?? But it's today where I'm sayin it, but yesterday where I'm sayin it to. Ohhh my hed herts. This is like Time Travol.

Enyway! As fer Crismoss, oh wow, I've got so much to tell yu all, it's tickerling the inside ov my hed! I'm gonna sort owt my foto's tonite an tomorro, an then come bak an show yu all.

Wa-heyyy!!!!!!!!!! Heer's to another grayte bloggin yeer, me fello bloggeroos!!!!!

Bye fer now!

Onnistly I'm jus tryin to keep order rownd heer....

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, but roomer haz it weer goin layter. Wa-heyyy! I like goin layte at nite. Yu get mor room to ride the trolley.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 ha! Gotcha, Grayum! /10
• Day Score:6.29837 dew to anarkistic tendancies from gests /10
• Advent Calendar pikcher: Man wiv wings an long yellow hair wayvin his arms abowt

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well! Sumtimes I jus don't kno wat to do! Yu invite folk into yor howse, yu all get into a rooteen, an then they jus start taykin libertees!

I speek, ov corse, ov The Windosill Bear Familee. Heer they ar:

This famlee ov Bears cayme to stay wiv us a few yeers ago. I sor a notiss in the payper abowt them. They livd in a playse calld Kleenex an wantid to come an stay in a howse wiv windosills. There wer foto's ov them on a windosill, lookin owt.

On our frunt windosill: Windosill Bears like sittin on windosills an yu will offen see them praktissin their Syncronized Sittin there.

Well, I sayved up an sent them their bus fare an put my address on a coopon so they'd kno wat number bus to get. Wun day they ternd up an sed, "Hullo! Weer the Windosill Bears!" an I invited them in. They cayme wiv tisshoos for ishooin (wich they handid over to me, as Offishol Howse Tishoo-Ishooer) an a booklet wiv lots ov foto's in, inkloodin mor ov them sitting on windosills.

I showed them sum ov our windosills an expektid that they wud settol in ok, speshly as most ov ours ar mayde ov wood wich is far warmer on the bum-beads than tile.

Wooden windosills ar warmer on the bum-beeds.

But they wantid to stay down on the carpet an frolic. Soon they wer frolickin evryware! In the kitchen, in the pant dror, they eevn slid up an down the bannister. So in the end I sed look, yor Windosill Bears! an I eskortid them bak.

Daddy sed I waz bein a tad harsh. But that's their role! Yu carnt jus abandun yor role! Wat if I suddenly sed, "Oh, do yu kno, I don't think I'll be a spy enymor, I think I'll tayke up wallpapering insted!"???? Yu see? It wud leed to kayoss an anarky an an an too menny Bears in the pant dror, that's wat. Rools ar rools.

They eevn hav an indor windosill for colder days.

But as I'm a reesonabol Bear, I sed they cud come down off the windosill on Tchewsdays an Therzdays.

Well! They keep tryin it on! They come down layte an then say, "Oh, Bob, we dident come down till 10 yesterday, so is it allrite if we stay still 10 today?" An it's not on! The rool is midnite to midnite! If yor layte it shud be hard luk! But Mummy an Daddy nag me into bein leenyent.

WELL! NOW we see wat bein leenyent leeds to, don't we!

Look at this! HOW exaktly is the bak ov the sofa a windosill?

Like the old sayin, "Giv a Bear an inch ov hunny an heel tayke the whole jar". A few instantses ov bein let off braykin the rool an look wat yu get. Anarky!

I blayme the time they smuggold themselves down to Granny's howse an spent 2 weeks on a shelf. As I sed at the time to her, "A shelf is not a windosill, Granny, eevn if a windowill is a shelf!"

They've been abowt today cos it's a "T" day, but I think they're plottin sumthing. Evry time I go parst, they stop tolkin, an look up an grin at me.

I don't kno wat's goin to happen at midnite, I reelly don't........

Bye fer now....

Serprizes an syruptishusness

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes- me an Daddy went on our own. There wernt menny peepol there so we went scootin up an down the aisles on the trolley. Yeeeeeharrrr! Carnt play like that wen Mummy's there. She maykes him be a grown-up. Mummys do that.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: still serspendid /10
• Day Score: 8.15672/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Mummy's a bit down, an not in the cool get-down James Brown way (cooo- wat a grayte nayme fer a Bear that wud be!). So I gayve her self-ishooing privilidges over the tishooes. An I do beleev that gayve her a bit ov a boost. I don't giv that privilidge to jus enywun, arfter all.

Then me an Grayum mayde ourselfs into "Hedless Bears" fer Halloween an scared Dilly so much all her bows cayme undun. As yu can see from the foto, LBBBJ joyned in, but, as the jumpers wer all a bit big, he mayde exslent yuwss ov the new Pants Ov Peace insted. (I wish I'd thort ov that.)
HAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHA!

Enyway, Gillingham ar, for sum reeson, playin tonite. I thort they ownly did Saterdys or Tchewsdys. But maybe they ar all goin shoppin tomorro. Not shor. But if yu get to reed this in time, don't ferget to adjust the culler ov sumthing yor warin to bloo. Prefrerbly pants.

If yor in an offiss, that mite be differcult. For fewtcher refrence, I've come up wiv a plan fer jus this sort ov emergensy:

1. Keep sum spare bloo pants in yor desk dror.
2. In the event ov an emergensy chanyge-pants-to-bloo sitchewayshun (such as now), tern the briteness down on yor compewter screen.
3. Retreev pants.
4. Call to colleegs, "Won't be a mo', just goin under heer to sort my compewter owt!"
5. Crawl under desk.
6. Change pants.
7. Reappeer an adjust briteness bak up agen.
8. Say, "Oh, that's it! I fixt it!"

And voila (as Plumpiemousie wud say) yu hav syruptishusly chaynged into Gillingham-serporter-pants-mode in publik, wivowt feer of arrest, envy or unempolyment. TA-DARR!

Bye fer now!

Football, Poo, an Kangaroos.

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills:YES!!!!! We won! Hurrayyy!!!!!!!! We won 3 - 1 agenst Leyton Orient (full nayme, Le-ton-ov-poo, abowt as Oriental as Birmingham). Me an Daddy traveld down to Kent to see them. I dident get to go on the pitch and nose the ball this time, but I did jus spot a small brown blur runnin parst the goal at wun poynte, so another Bear did it for me. Me, I waz bizzy in the chairman's offiss, tryin to explayne wy I cuddent arfter all tayke on the job of new Team Manager. My existing sponsibilitys ar jus too varst, I hav realisd. He sed he kwite understood, an wood hav to pick sumwun else insted. Probly sum time this week, akchewally, if he can trak down his number two choyse.
• Simpsons: mist them, but fer a good reeson
• Tesco: no: now weer runnin out ov toilet papyer. This is gettin seerious. Daddy issent too fayzed as he ownly goze abowt 3 times a week. But Mummy duzz 4 or 5 poos a day. An that's wen sheez well. I cort her taykin sum tishoos into the loo wiv her. As if it issent bad enuff that she is self-ishooing, she is now yewsin tishoos fer unapproovd perpossis. She apologized an sed it waz an emergensy an assured me that eech tishoo wud be fasilitayted 3 times: to coff, blow her nose, an 'wipe'. Hehehee. I explayned that this was reelly no excews an mayde her fill in the correkt rekweezishon form. Yu carnt just go abowt doin anarky, yu kno. That's wen the trubbol starts.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10! Got Grayum. He thort it waz all still serspendid. /10
• Day Score: 8/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I waz thinkin today abowt kangaroos. They're grayte, aren't they? An I desydid that if I weren't a Bear, I'd be a kangaroo. That way I cud run abowt leepin an frolickin, an if it startid raynin I cud jus jump bak into my Mummy's poket. It'd be cool.

The kangaroo: wun ov Winnie T Pooh (esq.)'s best pals belongd to this aynchent tribe

So now I hav a kwestchon fer yu all:

Wat kind ov Bear or Not-a-Bear wud yu be, if yu wer not the Bear or Not-a-Bear yu ar?

Yu can pik anything yu want. Jus be advized that if yu pik enything reptillian yu mite be encurridging a certain small croco-dragon onto yor blog, s'all.

Bye fer now!

thanks to Animal Wallpapers Blog for this foto!

Grayum's Bak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes: we lost 4 - nil to Nottingham Forest (full nayme: Notting Scum Forrest-that-even-Bears-wuddent-poo-in). I layter diskuverd that this terribol miscarridge ov justiss waz dew to Mummy's flagrant non-waring ov her new bloo pants.)
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 7 (I let Grayum win a few rownds on accownt ov the re-union) /10
• Overall Score: 7 ish/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I had trubbol tryin to get me foto's loded up today, an Mummy sed she waz goin to help but then kept comin up wiv exkewsis. Ferst ther waz the wun abowt havin cort Daddy's cold (it's all pritty snotty rownd heer. I've had to give them self-isshooing priviledges over the tishoos. No way am I gettin too neer to that stuff.) Then ther waz a film on TV that she rekond she haddent seen befor, sept I kno she did, it's jus cos that Russell Crowe bloke waz in it. Still, leest this time he waz in a soot. I got a bit worreed wen she liket that Roman film, wher he runs arownd in a skirt.

Sumtimes I don't think she fully appryshyates that I hav a publik to worry abowt, an wiv that comes sponsibilitys. A Bear ov my kaliber carnt be hangin rownd all nite waytin.

Enyway. Heer is the foto I wantid to show yu. It's our "welcom home" hug wiv Grayum!

Yup, heez home! Arfter 3 weeks at Granny's, himself haz reternd. An he STILL haz that 'Living Legend' stiker on his jumper.

At Granny's, we had sum sellbratory caykes: Er, yes. Ther wer mor caykes than that, but we wer a bit hungry.

Next Grayum told me abowt a film heed watcht abowt sum spys hoo sneekt arownd in blak. He wantid to play a new gayme heed mayde up calld "Bein Spys From That Film Wher They Go Abowt In Blak" (hmmm... I mite need to coach him a bit on maykin up naymes fer gaymes) so I lookt arfter his jumper wile he nabbed a pair ov Mummy's best blak "Sloggi" pants.
Meenwile, LBBBJ arskt me to inclood this piktcher ov him. This is his impreshon ov Simon Cowell's trousers:

Yu kno, it's reelly grayte to hav things bak to normal agen.

Bye fer now!

We've all got colds agen

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too snotty/10
• Day Score: 6.94321/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Weev awl got colds agen. I havent posted since Munday cos I've been on extended Tishoo-Ishooing dewties. I'm a really knackered Bear.

At least Mummy finally washt Grayum's jumper so he cud keep warm (AND give me my jumper back). I took this pic of it on the washing line with sum of my parrent's jumpers:

(Grayum's is the wun in the middol)

Anyway. Laytest news is that Daddy's quit his job as a Teacher. So we're goin out today to buy him a new soot, for wen he tries to get a new job. Apparently this is wun ov the Four Times In Life Wen Yu Buy A Soot. The other three being Marrying, Burying, and Trying to Look Good In Court.

I'm goin along because, when a shop sells soots, they yewsually hav an underpant section too, so I'll go an giv it a Dam Good Frolicking. Jhee jhee jhee.....

Bye fer now!

Team Bears!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Day Score: 8/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I have found this photo showing how brilliant bears are at teamwork, especialy when it comes to getting at the "hunny flapjacks". If you click on it you can go and look at their dad's other photo's, including lots more Bears.

There is a Bear family that live in our house. We call them Der Window-Sill Bear Familee, on account of how they sit in the window most days. They come down off the window-sill on Tuesdays an Thursdays, which we call 'T days'. This sometimes helps mummy as, if she can't remember what day it is, the first place she checks is the window-sill. Least then she can narrow down the possibilities.

The Window-Sill Bears came to us from Mr Andrex. I had to save lots of Andrex boxes an' send them some busfare. Then they came a few weeks later, with a bag of Cold Capsules, tea bags and a packet of "tishoos". They had a book with them, in which weer pictures of them sitting on a window-sill. This is how we knew they liked to do that.

Here we are together playing "Synchronised Sitting" on a 'T day'. Well, on a sofa, really, but during a 'T Day':

Bye fer now!

Bear Rules

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no (wich is poor coz we needid to go an exchange der kettle we bort cos it's defunct)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7.3116/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well I think it's time to explain about Bears And Rules.

Bears are loyal and onnist. They hav a code of conduct called the Bear Essenshols(not be confused wiv the Bear Nessessities damn yu, Walt! Thats wot yu get wen yu leave a mowse in charge!). In this code are rules to help liv a simpol life (sum bears wud say that just livin among yu Not-A-Bears made it a simpol life enuff. I cuddent possibly comment. I hav my sponsor to think ov). Here are jus some of the Bear Rules:

• a car shud always hav a navigaytor on the dashbord;
  bears mayk the best ones. Yu can also have reverse-navigators in ther bak window. Fer sum reason, nodding dogs do this rarther well.


• tishoos need to be isshooed by trayned bears. Female Not-A-Bears may help themselves on occazon, but Male Not-A-Bears NEVER get there in time.


• there must be at least 2 in the bed at a time an wun ov them shud idealy be a bear.

Well thats enuff to be going on with. But if I cover something to do with a Bear Rule at any time I will highlight it with this picture ov my nose: Byeee!