Cleenin up

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, an weer gettin seeriosly low on cow-joose. Daddy even sneekt the UHT stuff in Mummy's tea, so that he'll hav enuff ov the reel stuff left fer his brekfast in the mornin.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy /10
• Day Score: 6.8/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WOW I dident get to log on yestaday at all.
Yewgzerly Mummy logs me on an then leeves me to it. But she had wun ov her sleepy days.

Weer not shor wy she haz theez. Akchewly, she did manage to stay awake fer 3 hours, wich issent bad. But dewrin that tyme she desydid that it waz a Cleenin Day an so washt the floor behind the uven wher the mowse livs. (Now it all smells like Lavender flavour Dettol, so I hope the mowse is gerly, or we mite hav a mowse riot on our hands.)

Enyway, all that moppin wor her owt agen an finisht her fer the day. It waz then down to The Bear to soopervize. So wile she waz doin this-

I took over the dustin. I wrap the duster rownd me bum an go wheeeeeeeeeee! It's grayte fun!-
An Dilly helpt Daddy vacewm. Dilly lykes doin this cos she thinks that the vacewm is a dragon that livs in the cayve under the stairs. So she lykes to ryde along on its bak. Never mind. It gets her to help, so I'm not sayin enythin.Dewrin the vacewmin, they nokt over our biggest pot plarnt, George, hoo has now had to hav a nayme change to "Twiggy". This proovs that eevn indors, Bears mayke betta navigaytors than croco-wagons.

Bye fer now!

That Mouse is ODD, I Tell Yu

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no: hibernaytin
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes! We had to wait an hour fer Mummy's perskipshun so we wer there AGES an it was grate!
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7.982/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Humbol apologeez fer the 2 day absense, peepol.

Meanwile, the mystery of wat that woodmouse* under the kitchen floor is up to deepens.....

Remember me sayin that Mummy leaves out nuts fer it?

Well, remember me sayin that the mouse put 3 of the nuts in wun of Daddy's shooz???

It's happened again. Ownly more so.

8 this time. EIGHT!!!!! EIGHT hazelnuts in his shoo. So I did an experiment. I put 3 more nuts in the corner an went off on my Beary bizzness fer the day. Wen I came bak, shor enuff, they wer gon. And.... now there are 11 nuts in the shoo.

The evidence: I layter replayced them, of course. I'm no thieff.

Onnistly! Ther are plenty of playces where he cood stash them! Ther is a mouse-size gap under the door to the cubbod-under-the-stairs, wich is just full of boxes an stuff. An there are plenty of bookcases an things too. AND a whole spare bedroom. But no. He choozes Daddy's shoo.

VERY STRAYNGE.

I am wittling down the possibilities:

1. he is bribing daddy not to trap him an take him to the woods


2. he knows that the lift to the woods is imminent an is arsking Daddy if he can take a packed lunch wiv him


3. he is a kinky blighter hoo likes the smell of Daddy's shooz

Personally I jus hope it issent the larst wun. Ther are enuff weirdos rownd heer fer me to liv wiv as it is, thank yu.

Bye fer now!

*yu can reed mor abowt this straynge creecher's diet here.

By the way, I havent fergotten my promiss to post about how to change yer blog's blackgrownd. Mummy is going to giv me a hand wiv that wun, but sheez been bizzy. An now sheez bizzy till Wensday. Still, maybe she can skweez me in to her shedule come Therzday, ay? We shall see...

Marigolding, week three

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes, but they cut the opening credits short, missing out the bit where Lisa rides her bike, so I diddent get to look up her dress. D'oh!
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10 Ha! Got Mummy coming out of the shower!
• Day Score: 7.358/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Time for this week's update on my marigolds:

doing well, aren't they?

But I'm starting to wonder if this is due solely to my efforts.
We live very close to a mobile phone mast. Do you think it is raydiating the plarnts in my garden? They all look rarther big. See what yu think:

teenage mutant ninja bluebells

Help! Do yu think it eats meat?

It might also explayne sum straynge behayviour in the Not-A-Bears rownd here. Remember the wood-mouse that lives under our kitchen? Mummy left sum nuts out on Monday, an yestaday Daddy fownd them: in his shoe.

Wha..????

I shall hav to put my Spy Hat on, and investigayte this.*

Bye fer now!

* I don't reelly mean this. I mean, a speshol Spy Hat wud sort ov giv a spy away, wuddent it? Although they do seem to wear them on those old black and wite Spy Movies..... Like, The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. But then, he was cold, wassent he. Until he came in. And then he took it off.

Mouse Diets

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no- but mummy sneaked off without me
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7/10
• Advent Calender Pikcher: Sheeps an a brown dog

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

As yu may remember me saying many pant-wash-days ago, we hav a mouse who lives under the kitchen floor. (We probly hav dozens ov them but mummy talks to it like it's the same wun every time so we humour her.) This is how we discovered "him":-

Each night, mummy wood get the broom an sweep all the crumbs off the kitchen floor into a corner. Then, every cuppol ov days, she wood sweep them all up from the corner wiv a smaller broom, an clean der floor.

Wun day, wen she went to clear up the crumbs from the corner, they weren't there, so she thort that daddy must hav cleared them up already. Day arfter day they disappeared from the corner and she went on thinking, "Oh good, daddy's clearing them up." Until wun day, she sed to him, "By the way, thank yu for clearing up those crumbs." This is where Daddy missed a brilliant opportunity. Because, insted ov pertending that he had been doing house-cleaning, he sed, "Wat? Wat crumbs?" DONG!

That same evening, mummy spotted the mouse, sneaking past the door of her study. Ever since then, she has deliberately left som bits of food in the corner for the mouse.

At first, it was just crumbs. But soon she began an experiment to see wat a mouse likes to eat. She SAYS it's so we'll know wat to put in the trap. Huh! (Don't worry- it's a humane trap. Me an daddy have caught 4 wiv it and released them into the woods).

Here are som results ov her "What will the mouse eat?" experiment so far:

• bread- yes
• biskits- yes
• lettuce- yes
• tomato- sometimes
• mushrooms- definitely not, never
• aubergine- yes, speshally wen was part ov a Moussaka; good job the mouse can't spell
• cucumber- yes
• apple-yes
• pine nuts- yes
• walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts,- yes
• peanut butter- yes
• oats- yes
• that stale cereal that no-one's eaten in a year- yes
• choklit- yes
• choklit peanuts (damn cheek! So that's where they went!)- yes, a favrit
• plain peanuts- yes, if not salty
• banarnana- yes
• the topping from last night's baked fish, made from onions, cheese, tomato, fennel- yes

So yu see, apart from mushrooms, he's a greedy littol so-an-so an a very cheeky lodger.

Bye fer now!

Sum Advice (3)

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I have reseeved an email on der subject ov sport fer elderly Not-A-Bears. Spesifikelly myce.

Please Bob T Bear, I'm an old Mousie, would you like to give me advice? what sport could I do?I really need help...take care of yourself don't do too much...and have a good breakfast in the morning.all the best from Grandma Mousie.

Well, Grandma Mousie, dis iz a trikky wun. But luckily fer yu I happen to no a bit abowt myce. We hav sum living under der kitchen flor. Daddy wonts to catch dem an release dem in der woods (as dey are 'wood myce') but mummy thinks dey are coot an seecretly leeves dem 6 hazelnuts in der corner each nite.

a wood mowse,

not being

in der woods >

Sumtimes I hav hidden rownd der corner an wotched dem sneak out from behind der oven, grab a nut an run bak. But a few times I hav witnesst dem doin dere exersises. I pass dere rooteen on to yu:

Wot dey do iz pik up der hazelnut wiv deyer tail and lift it up an down to a count of 6. Den dey flik it up into der air, do a half flip bakwoods an catch it between deyer teef. (If yu don't hav teef left maybe yu cood try hookin it into an ear). Pleez tayk care as I think deez myce are quite yung.

As fer yor comments abowt me an brekfast, don't worry, I always share sum Weetabix wiv my daddy. I lyke it der same way as he duzz it- lots of milk an a grayte pile of sugar. Den a sip ov his tea an I am reddy fer all evenchewalitys.

Bye fer now!